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PROBLEMS…. “we’ve all got them”…

“Problems & Troubles”

We all have them and unfortunately, NO ONE is immune …

My all time favorite teacher, Jesus said,  “ guaranteed 100% in this world, you WILL have troubles (my paraphrase) but fear not I have overcome the world” -meaning He lived His life with HUGE problems… and He lived as an example to us in such a way to show us how to get through them, (key word THROUGH)… including being hated and persecuted….



Really, when you think about it, the only way to not have troubles is to be dead!   

Frankly speaking, I am NOT a big fan of problems…… who is?







However, since I have had MANY and waaaay too many to mention here I have learned a few things about  “getting through” and hopefully have gained some insight valuable enough to pass on to you- if it helps….








So in giving you some help, let’s begin with some basic truths.

Basic truths are things that are true for everyone, and don’t change.. kind of like the sun setting in the West and rising in the East… its always true and doesn’t change no matter what part of the world you are in.

  1. Problems ARE normal! -when we think we shouldn’t have any we set ourselves up for disappointment.
  2. NONE of us are perfect ! NO ONE! Everyone hurts someone sometimes and makes stupid choices that hurt others.  We ALL have and we all do -sometimes intentional, sometimes not, BUT we ALL do hurt others.
  3. We ALL cope differently based on our maturity at the time, and available resources. All of us cope with our pain differently using some form of anger and fear related behaviors: addictions , backing away, closing down, being aggressive, being passive, gossiping, bullying, pushing too hard forward, tears, swearing, yelling, hating, lashing out, revenge, dividing, on and on – you get it.

Here is a general small list of problems/troubles we can expect if we are alive:

  • Any problem forced on us by the choices of others enforcing their free will: * this can be either bad or good decisions that force us to change something big or small in our lives and acts kind of like a domino effect e.g: had an agreement or feelings in a relationship that changed etc
  • Any problem forced on us by circumstances out of our control:
    * landlord decided to sell the home you love and have been renting,
    * horrible weather conditions  *someone drinking and driving hurts you or ones you love or worse- kills *people you love holding grudges and refusing to allow you to be a part of their lives * those who can’t forgive  *medical systems that inflicted fatal or devastating results * healthy people suddenly becoming critically ill
  • Anything we do to ourselves: * Failure to do our due diligence (we all make this mistake)  *Ignoring red flags (we hope something is better than what our gut is telling us (wishful thinking)  * Willfully choosing to do something we know will not end well
  • Or just living in the same world with other broken people

However… (this is the HOPEFUL PART)…..

We are TOTALLY 10,000% in control of OUR reactions to these problems (I know- easier said than done ) AND if we know that we still have control over our own selves, then we have an opportunity to take the “ bad” and make it mean something amazing or even better in our own lives.

There are some big keys in helping oneself during difficult times and the following are a  small but powerful list of some things we can to do help ourselves even when we feel helpless.

  1. First and foremost come to terms with the truth that YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS. Powerlessness is learned helplessness and involves how you think in your thoughts, or belief systems. (For sure there are some really, really serious situations that some people have been in where physically they are powerless however, -I am not talking about this here)
  2. Own YOUR THOUGHTS and what comes OUT Of YOU...… again my favorite teacher Jesus, “it’s not what goes into a man that ruins him (actions of others), it’s what comes out of him  (in reaction to what others have done) that ruins him.”   In taking ownership for who is going to help you and what comes OUT of YOU – it’s so powerful when you see it’s YOU- It starts with YOU. Others can help you in some way but NO ONE can climb in your head or heart and control your thinking or feelings without your permission. Yup it’s hard to not want revenge, and it’s hard to hurt so badly you want to fight back… but it’s in seeing and managing the ONLY thing you can, YOU that you become calm and can start to think about the best solutions. Start by helping yourself choose to see things differently. Let’s just assume that you don’t know everything and that there is more information you need because what you have been thinking hasn’t created any healing or resolve.  That’s YOUR job to find out what you don’t know and then begin a real assessment at 360 degree perspective… (this is called higher intelligence )….Other peoples perspectives whether you like it or not are part of that “WHOLE” Picture.  Stay humble and ask for the other pieces from others… don’t be afraid of the truth, even if it means you might have to admit you might have been wrong.
  3. Have COMPASSION for YOUR HURTING heart and HELP yourself… Failure to hear your own pain and acknowledgement of it leads to self pity and that won’t help!  Self pity is powerlessness.  COMPASSION for self is empowering and comforting. Hear your hurt, cry those tears, acknowledge the pain, disappointment, anger, and if you have to cry through the process then so be it- but LOVE yourself. This is incredibly important.
    “Fear nothing but to betray yourself, for if you lose your best friend, who will watch over you”. Candace 2002 –  As an adult educator I taught my students the following question to ask when feeling needy or hurting:  “who is the first person to help in times of trouble?”- humorously- using the example of  asking : “who knows when you have the feeling you need to pee”?  You get the point. The person who feels it first is the one responsible to help support you in the problem. Hear yourself and honor your pain.  By doing this, you can have a sense of knowing that YOU are able to be there for yourself when others can’t/won’t and when able, to share with them what your needs are, being that you are the only one who really knows.  Imagine you are on a hike and fell and no one was around to help… we find a way to help ourselves until help arrives.
  4. Find a good support system: life coach, church group, close friends, services offered by those who you feel can support and understand your situation (because you have been honest enough to share them) and with balance, ask for any help with any things that you are truly unable to do for yourself– this is important as you don’t want to perpetuate a feeling of powerlessness by having a,  “I am so weak” -mind-set… . you are STRONGER than you know and certainly more resourceful than you know….

Lastly.. I want to end with a little understanding of what problems and support systems look like when it gets BIG……

Consider a tree, a well-established tree.

This could represent your life, marriage, kids, job, health, where you live etc… you have worked hard over the years to establish your life. Building your life is the equivalent of a solid oak tree, big and tall and its roots firmly in the ground.


Life has “normal storms”, these can cause the tree to bend, maybe even lose a few leaves or even branches, but the roots remain firm in the ground (smaller troubles that you can get through with counseling, having a change of heart, getting better coping tools, forgiving, etc). These are part of the normal problems in life.





Then “IT” happens- THE BIG ONE… massive storms in the form of an emotional earthquake like:

  • Divorce
  • Death of anyone you love
  • Serious health diagnosis of you or a loved one
  • Physical earthquake or dangerous storm
  • Financial devastation
  • Finding out the person who you love, isn’t the person you thought they were….

It is in times like the above you might find yourself ripped from your ground and roots exposed and now find yourself, in shock and in a total different place than where you were planted…..

This is truly hard and devastating and I have walked closely with others who have experienced this and have experienced this myself….

This is where “stakes” in the ground can help…. When you are in shock, and find you have been involuntarily moved by problems or devastating challenges, you will find your roots again… I promise…and when done well with dignity and emotional maturity and health,  it will become complete with love, grace, forgiveness and compassion for those you were once devastated by..

And you will find those who are “stakes” in the ground to help you  and to hold you up while you go through the shock of finding your established roots again. This will take time, but I promise you will can get through this with stakes…

Stakes don’t’ do the work for you, but they hold you up when you feel like you can’t and offer you the following:

Words of encouragement: Cards, notes, flowers

Practical help: cleaning, baking, laundry, driving to or attending appointments with you, babysitting, helping write a resume etc

Crying with you: on the phone or in person…

Offering you needed resources when required: referrals to counselors, doctor’s, financial information, legal support, community resources, life coach referrals etc..

Truly, we are all sharing the same planet. We all have the same basic human needs. We are all broken in some way (not perfect). We all want to feel valued – (even the “bad guys” are doing things to get their needs met- selfishly for sure) but we all have a basic instinct to survive a tough world….

We all have more in common than what tears us apart.

I hope these thoughts bring you hope…  .

If you want help to get through these things, I will be starting my coaching practice soon and would be happy to discuss options for your goals, challenges and associated coaching costs.

My specialty is in crisis control,  self esteem issues, relationship dignity and added specialties of resources and consulting in media, adult education and healthcare resources.

Email me at

And in the meantime, pick up this book found here:

by Dr. Steven Stosny, Soar Above!


Love Candace xxoo

“Disability is the inability to believe in possibility” – Candace 2012



Grab a group of friends, a glass of wine and join in!!


Join Jo and I in this incredible, and heart warming authentic conversation of overcoming the worst and learning what it means to “frock off”.

Take a listen here:


Jo Dibblee is determined to be the change she seeks by educating, empowering, and elevating women entrepreneurs via access, connection, clarity, collaboration, knowledge, resources and most importantly results.

She is a Social Entrepreneur who sees it as her responsibility to give back both locally and globally. The founder of Frock Off Inc., Jo is described as a tenacious and fearless philanthropist – a catalyst to change. She works with heart-centered women entrepreneurs who have a big message, product or service and are ready to amplify their results. Her signature events “Best Kept Secret to Success in Life, Love and Business” ensure outcome based results and success.

Jo is driven by her passion and purpose which stems from living in hiding for 35 years as a key witness in a murder investigation. She is an international award-winning, best-selling, published author, entrepreneur, speaker and breakthrough expert who hosts transformational live events across Canada that move women forward. She has been featured in Canadian media nationwide and in the Huffington Post.  Jo is determined to serve 13.1 million women globally. To learn more and join her community go to

Her internationally best selling memoir: Click on book to buy! 

Frock Off: Living Undisguised has been recognized and awarded four medals in both true crime and grief and hardship.


LAURA DOYLE…. Mentor, educator, teacher, woman supporter, marriage healer and in my case, unintentional matchmaker!!!!

Today, and once again I had the privilege of doing an interview with Laura ” live” via Skype from her home office in CA and mine here in Vancouver BC.

Check out our wonderful interview here

Laura is the reason I met my husband!

She had no idea at the time that she helped me find my life partner and love of my life! I hadn’t met her yet! (We met a year later at the California Women’s Conference in CA)

In late Aug 2010, and working as a TV producer in LA for our Canadian productions,  my good friend Erin Martin asked me if I would take a look at a book to see if we could imagine a TV show.

Well, of course I had to read it!

It was titled “ The Surrendered Single”…

I was single.. not so much Surrendered- but for research I decided to read the book!

My name was written all over it so to speak! So as a experiment ( I didn’t want to tell anyone what i was using it for personally)  I practiced the skills in the book to see if they would work!!

They did!!  I met my hubby shortly after and discovered that we had many mutual friends both professionally and personally!!  His best friend from elementary school was my close friend for 20 years and yet our paths had never crossed!! Little did my then new interest know he was the subject of an experiment!  We both benefited!!

Today, after 5 years of marriage- Laura’s book “The Empowered Wife”    

Empowered Wife

and the   Six Intimacy Skills     has continued to add to the quality of my relationship and I can honestly say, that I am truly a “cherished” wife!   I don’t necessarily “need” someone to cherish me as I have a good sense of self and self care (after all the years of learning from Laura’s leading) but to be cherished is a bonus and makes the quality of our life incredible!


Make sure you log on to Unlocking Secrets for Women Resources Inc to get your FREE courses with Laura here         

Learn how to make the quality of your life what you have always dreamed!!

Love Candace

LJK (Love, Joy, Kindness) xxoo




OCEAN POINTE BUSINESS CENTRE- My go to place for Business Resources

My go to place for business services!

For the past few years I have been fortunate enough to use the virtual office and mail services of  the Ocean Pointe Business Centre in South Surrey, just off the White Rock and Surrey borders on 152nd and 17th Ave, in the classy, Prospera Business Centre Buidling.

The plush offices, featuring plenty of parking and furnished with class and elegance is owned and staffed by equally quality people.

The professionalism is second to none and there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for their clients.

Different packages and space are available for rent on a long term or short term usage with reasonable rates.


I was honored to be able to host a women’s evening in their beautiful office space and was supported by the owner Katherine DaVita and her team! It was a highly successful night!   I am very proud to bring my future clients and guests into the office and board room!

I can’t speak highly enough about the team at Ocean Pointe Business Centre!  If you are looking for virtual office support, or a new office space with a elegant interior and warm and caring support staff, this is your place!



Coast Capital Savings- No one’s perfect- but They CARE!

Banks, Credit Unions and more! We have to use them… how do you choose?

Several years ago my hubby and I decided to change banks and take advantage of the free chequing accounts with Coast Capital Savings.

We want to support local business’s and community partners.

Over the years, there have been plenty of GOOD experiences  and some challenges…. recently I had a challenge and I went straight to the top!

On the same day of my challenge, while on HIS vacation, the CEO immediately responded to my email, called me, left a message, and I emailed back.

He promptly responded, heard my concerns, followed up with the appropriate staff and I received a personal call from the department manager involved and in a few hours my issues were completely resolved OVER and ABOVE what I needed! 

No one is perfect, and no organization is perfect -successful business’s experience growing pains….. but what makes Coast Capital Savings perfect for me -is the ability to listen, right the wrong and even reach above and beyond to ensure that my customer experience translates into my loyalty!

Loyalty towards me means loyalty towards them!

Coast Capital Savings did this and continues to be dedicated to serving its members!!

Since my post on FB that same day, a few people openly expressed some similar concerns that they had…. I invited them to message me and I would put them in touch with the CEO to help them resolve their concerns!!  The CEO followed up immediately on the same day with them, while still on vacation!!

How can you ask for more?

This is how I choose a company….  when I see and experience Integrity from the TOP trickling down!

Thanks Coast Capital… you have my loyalty!

Great Glasses are GREAT!

Great Glasses ARE SO GREAT!









With consumers changing their purchasing habits to more online rather than brick and mortar, the companies that have to be brick and mortar work hard to keep their customers happy!

We feel this way about Great Glasses!!

A few years back my husband and I took advantage of the 3 for 1 offer that is still available now and purchased 6 pairs of glasses total!

This was then at the Langley branch closer to where we lived at the time.

Fast forward to this week, when in prepping for going away,  3 of our 6 pairs of glasses needed adjusting and replacement frames for one set!

Within an hour of calling the Delta store that was closer to where we now live, my hubby (I didn’t go) went to the store with 2 of my pair and 1 of his!

They took all 3 glasses, adjusted mine (without me needing to be present) cleaned them, completely fixed them on the spot, provided a brand new frame that fit the lenses for my husbands glasses and added all new cases, cleaning cloths and glass cleaner with NO charge!!

When my husband commented that we were so grateful for their quick and efficient service and no charge they stated….

” Happy Customers are what we aim for”!

Well you know what Great Glasses??? -you HAVE happy customers and we are super grateful!!

We highly recommend them!!!

Kudos for you for stepping up your game in this very competitive market!!

Unlocking Secrets for Women Resources Inc recommends Great Glasses!!!


Why Costco, in my opinion, IS the Number One Retailer -in North America!

Many of you know I am and have been a consumer advocate for high level corporations throughout the years in both Canada and the US.

As President of Unlocking Secrets for Women Resources Inc, we are committed to providing quality education, information, products and resources for the benefit of women and their families since 2004.

First featured on my Radio Show at CFUN in Vancouver, we built our brand with companies such as Johnson and Johnson, Proctor and Gamble and many others committed to providing quality products and services for women and their families.

I say this to underscore my commitment to being an advocate with positive experiences from Sears Canada, Sirius Satellite Radio and Air Canada CEO’s responding to emails I sent within hours on behalf of concerned customers.

However, nothing has impressed me more than my most recent and fresh experience with Costco Canada-and this time it was personal!

From my shopping experience with Costco, I have noted that they forge many relationships with vendors that provide a variety of products and services to their members. I really enjoy shopping at Costco and have benefited from their wide selection of outstanding quality merchandise for several years.

Without getting into details, I recently had an unfortunate experience with one of the vendors that I did business with through a Costco retail store. No sooner had I reached out and sent the email with my story, I received phone calls from the head office of Costco and their VP for the Western Region and their main buyer from back East including follow up calls to ensure I was satisfied and that my situation was resolved immediately!

I was given a swift apology and even received a complimentary “gift card for your trouble”, which although wasn’t necessary (since it wasn’t something Costco had done, but rather a vendor) the gesture was very kind and demonstrates an above and beyond approach!

Costco has got it right!
They understand who keeps them in business and why!
Their standards for customer care are the highest I have ever experienced in consumer goods towards resolving any issue with their members experience.

Bar none, they are the top consumer model of excellence in customer service and I sincerely mean that!

The success of Costco in my opinion is employees and leadership such as I have experienced that ensure they know the value of their members and move mountains to make sure we are cared for with excellence!!

For those vendors wishing to do business with Costco, be warned!!

Costco customers and members come first!

Hold your standards up high and you will fit in well with them ….and us!

For those that want to partner with Costco, there are lessons in excellence that I hope you adopt and will ensure the success that Costco continues to have!

Thank you to the leadership of Heather, Peter and Shannon for your very quick and excellent membership service in my most recent situation!!

I am a lifetime Costco shopper and they have proven their longevity in the marketplace and with good reason…..

I came first and so will you-and quickly!!


Delta Hotels by Marriott™ Victoria Ocean Pointe Resort- Our Easter Trip! So Excited!





Our long awaited vacation is booked! 

Our reservations are secured for our ferry back and forth from Vancouver and Nicole has booked our rooms, ocean side and thanks to her, we are all set for our Easter Weekend and  4 glorious days at the Victoria Ocean Pointe Resort!

I have experienced the Victoria Ocean Pointe Resort for over 19 years!  We first came to the resort when my daughter, mom and our big group of young gymnasts and their parents were hosted for an event and I was able to get a great rate for the whole group!

The staff went out of their way to accommodate the many needs of such a boisterous group (picture walking on hands outside the restaurant and back hand springs all over the grassy areas)….

I have loved it ever since!

Back then it was already beautiful and perfectly situated with stunning views of the inner harbor and access to excellent walking paths!  We stayed there again a few years back when they were under renovations and the service and guest rooms were just as amazing!

We can’t wait to see the completed facilities and we will definitely be experiencing the spa!


….. did I mention they have booked a couples massage for us with RMT’s.  We have both suffered car accidents  and are required to use Registered Massage Therapists to help with our pain relief. We are thrilled that Courtnee , The Spa supervisor, worked super hard and quickly to give us a selection of dates, times and  our choice of male and female RMT’s!

And then….. we are booked for dinner at LURE RESTUARANTLure! Cannot wait to try some of the items listed on the the menu!!




Excited to share with you my upcoming review on our weekend experience complete with pictures!!

Family and peeps in Victoria??? Make some time for us on the Easter Weekend…

Now… Ocean Pointe Resort, how about some sunshine???


She’s gone too far!



I am so sad to write this blog but it’s long overdue!  I have received a private message on my FB the other day  from a severely devastated father once again and enough is enough! This has gone too far, for too long!

I have a dear, dear friend who has recently lost full and complete access to his three beautiful girls due to another tragic plan of a sick and unhealthy “mother”.  Over 50 members of this man’s community came to court to testify of what a loving and incredible father he was in his fight for equal access. She couldn’t win that way so she found another. Through false accusations, and convincing her daughters that “daddy is bad”,  she has robbed a loving father of his daughters and falls into a long line of woman who has intentionally and purposefully broken the heart of another loving daddy.

Her more subtle attempts  to keep herself surrounded by her emotionally dependent girls is at the root of her conduct.  Sadly, we know that the courts are very ignorant to this sickness and something needs to change- and change now! It has become a world wide epidemic and their is a powerful team world wide growing all over the world who are working hard to stop this madness! The irony is that the team who is working hard to break this sick pattern are adult girls who have had their fathers stolen from them by their sick mommies! This  movement is powerful and its world wide.  see here: Erasing dad:

What does this mother look like?  mother and child

This “mother” (I use the word loosely) is a desperately broken woman who has access to lots of money,  has managed to manipulate a judge and court system and past friends of the couple (happens all too frequently) into believing this incredible loving father is guilty of her sick accusations which are designed to achieve her goal of being the only important one in her child’s life. These are words that she uses frequently, but what she doesn’t realize is that when she says them thinking she is noble, she is actually exposing her sick state of mind. 

Divide and conquer is her trademark and she can still be heard in restaurants and when she has been drinking to put down the other partner and even go after his new wife- that’s how threatened she is.  Healthy women DO NOT do that! They embrace the change and the new partners and welcome the child to have the best of all the love they can get from everyone! Not this woman.. she wants it all and she will do whatever she has to do to get everything and take everything from the other partner. 

Who are these women?  They are intentional, calculating and they frequently get their own way. However, their souls and the souls of their captured children are dragged into her lair of sickness and are being forced to bear her toxic poison.  See the alienation description here:

She intended to divide the girls from their father in order to punish and control the other partner she once claimed to love!  How dangerous is her “love”! She has sadly succeeded and at a very high cost, especially to her own children.  Getting her own way is her goal. She is blind to see that she has set herself on a very destructive pathway. Yes, we all know too well that bad people can literally get away with murder!  You can murder people in different ways and this has become a quality of today’s so called “modern entitled” woman. 

What is the root cause? This is 100% caused by narcissist personality disorder. The courts and children in a divorce  are frequently manipulated by these insidious personalities who do not look like the haggard, wicked witches you see depicted in movies. Often these women look charming , well groomed and quite fashion forward. They appear articulate and intelligent, charming all those that they meet.  They are engaging and full of laughter and fun and tell their stories with believable innocence- but to the watchful and careful listener, they can see their cunning words,  and their lies they tell themselves manifest their true intentions. They look very together at a glance on the outside but their trade mark and tell tale behavior is far too common and the courts are completely oblivious to it.

How to spot a narcissist:  Firstly, this article will immediately anger them and terrify them all at the same time! Here is fantastic link to help understand the trademarks of a narcissist and how they can get help. Click here:
Narcissists are entitled..You can spot them a mile away as the word “Entitled” is a frequently visitor in their vocabulary. They believe that they shouldn’t have to suffer like others, and in fact are often the cause of emotional suffering in others without compassion for those they are victimizing. In fact they are completely unaware of how their decisions and choices impact others and they don’t’ want to know!

Whether they are financially abusing or emotionally keeping people tied to them, these are just some of their trade marks. They want to punish others by keeping them tied to them in sick ways. They are frequent takers and very, very entitled. They are also completely blind.  Unable to access themselves accurately, they deny their power to hurt others.

In fact, a narcissist reading this article will be angry and even be angrier at the writer believing they are being targeted. Paranoia and misreading things is another trade mark.  They hate transparency and openness and are certain they are being “spied” on, all the while spying on others.  Another definitive quality is how they frequently live in a one up and one down position. They believe they are “up” (or superior) and those they are in disagreement with are “down” (or less than them and even resort to name calling). In marital relationships they believe that they should be put on pedestals and be treated better than how they treat their spouses.   They will keep a spouse up fighting all night and then ensure they get their rest and sleep while their exhausted spouse goes to work trying to do the right thing.  They project blame onto another and won’t share the blame in a broken relationship. They are always looking for the “ideal” partner and overburdening humans by requiring super human conduct, while they are unable to achieve that standard themselves.

Narcissists will work hard to “keep people on their side” especially in a divorce. It’s important for them to “gather” lots of cheer leaders around them to keep up their sickness.  Thinking they have healthy relationships, they even relate inappropriately with their adult children’s partners attempting always to be “socially on par” with them and not having healthy separation from them. They think they are having “healthy interactions but don’t recognize their own inappropriate behavior.  They interpret kindness for weakness and are suspicious of those they perceive are their enemies.   They are covering up their deepest brokenness and denial of their very poor self esteem that is damaged and hidden from their pretentious lives.

Even their friends are victims! They surround themselves with people who wouldn’t “dare” tell them the truth knowing that they would be “cut off” fast! They are charming!  They have a wide circle of friends who feed their egos, and call them their “best friends” but these friends are loyal because they are all in agreement with the hatred of the other party.  Longing to cling to their unhealthy friend,  they desparately hang on. and are equally “blind leading the blind” and are emotionally unwell. How does one go about seeing this? Healthy people know intelligently that there are TWO sides to every story.  These unwell minds relish in the fact that former friends of the couple are now just friends with them and have worked to ensure the “former friends of the couple”  reject the other partner! This is simple playground behavior and the “former friends” are just as foolish being caught up in the nonsense!  Intelligent people know it’s is simply impossible for one person to have all the blame and the other partner be innocent in a two way relationship! These so called “friends”  have both seen and heard how bad the other spouse is and not one of them has the courage to challenge her sick behavior or approach the other friends to learn the truth.  In fact, that is frequently their common denominator- they don’t dare disagree with her!  

Women, toxic women in a divorce are generally broken with narcissistic personality disorder. It takes courage to face the truth (which they will never invite)  and they must want to get healthy and yet they rarely do. They use the courts to benefit themselves, claiming their need to be cared for, all the while damaging and punishing others for what they perceive are injustices done to them.  Completely incapable of recognizing their own cruelty they keep people hostage to them for life financially and refused to stand on their own two feet.

Another trade mark of a narcissist is that if they have a counselor, it is generally to support their position and have a long ongoing relationship -often the same one for years!  Sticking with the same counselor is safe so they don’t have to be exposed to the objectivity of another counselor. If they do go to another counselor and the counselor points out something they don’t like, they will react and fire that counselor. Always afraid of the truth they keep themselves limited to their own circles of reinforcement in their dysfunction.  If a person is truly benefiting from a counselor, then the ” work” should have been completed in shorter range. A good counselor releases their patients quickly by being truthful and getting to the core of the issue quickly. Healthy counseling should be a very short term relationship to resolve a specific issue and then move on, getting healthier and healthier with each visit until the “treatment” is completed. It should definitely NOT being going on for years!  Any counselor that keeps this going is self serving and makes their clients dependent. On a side note,  if your counseling hasn’t led to asking  for forgiveness, its a self serving money waste and you are just keeping your counselor with an income!

Killing fathers.  The courts in this continent and sadly in other parts of the world are a part of killing the hearts of fathers, whether through literal suicide or completely broken hearts.  My own mother hated my father, and I had to work hard to break away from her hurt in order to keep myself healthy. I was the only one of my younger siblings who stood by my father at his death bed and unlike my siblings, I do not have the angst and guilt they carry to this day. I do not say that to sound self righteous, but instead I was ensuring my own self care and keeping myself from getting caught up in the prejudice of another perspective so that I wouldn’t have regrets.

Mothers have powerful influence over their children!  When mom is unwell, adult children need to reach out for true self care and that can even include making sure you don’t get caught up in the dysfunction of your mothers’ pain- if you don’t  her pain will leave you in deep pain and regret for time you can never get back.

Deep down fear of their mom’s power to reject is underlying. These poor girls have no idea that their sick loyalty to their mom is a direct result of the fear they have of her- they frequently call her “their best friend” but the evidence isn’t balanced. If they called her their best friend and they also had a good relationship with their father, THAT would be healthy!

One of the trade mark measurements  of parental alienation is an stronger attachment to one parent that the other.

Characteristics Of Severely Alienated Children

Severe cases of a child’s irrational alienation from a parent differ from mild and moderate cases by the extent of the child’s rejection of a parent and the degree of negativity in the attitudes and behavior toward the rejected parent. Severely alienated children express extremely polarized views of their parents; they have little if anything positive to say about the rejected parent and often rewrite the history of their relationship to obscure positive elements. They seem content to avoid all contact with the parent, may reject an entire branch of their extended family, and often threaten to defy court orders for contacts with the rejected parent. Severe alienation includes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive dimensions.  Severely alienated children treat the rejected parent with extreme hostility, disobedience, defiance, and withdrawal.

These victims of mom’s narcissism are unaware on a surface level of how capable she is  of destructive and powerful behavior. However, on an unconscious level they somehow know if they disagree with her, or make an attempt to reach out to their alienated father, the alienating spouse would feel threatened and do anything they can to prevent it!   Her  ‘advice” would seem quite logical in her explanations of why they shouldn’t see him, keeping the circle of lies tightly closed . They would also experience her wrath, or at best guilt for making her upset!  Did you know that a dysfunctional child will choose to alienate the parent they feel the safest with? They know that that parent will always be there for them so they feel safe in rejecting them!

When dad reaches out. Attempts by their dad are thwarted with what seems to be “healthy boundaries” but against “what”??  Logically, when challenged, they are truly uable to explain the punishment of the other parent, that “doesn’t fit” the crime! These manipulated children are unable to explain the reason why they aren’t in relationship with their dad – being desparate they reach the ultimate low of their intelligence by concluding- “it’s dad’s new wife!”. Hmmmm?? I wonder where that thinking came from?  How scary it is to see and hear that this is the common explanation offered by many alienating parents, when their own new partner is included and welcomed??  Makes the intelligent cringe at the obvious manipulation.  These are all carefully crafted  disguises by desperate women to keep their sickness alive. If the kids dare to reach out to their dad, or connect with them,  they will also experience the power of her rejection and wrath. How horrible for a mother to keep her children in emotional and mental unwellness, just to feed her own sick ego.    Little-Girl-parental-alienation

I am committed as a woman to continue to work extremely hard to support the financial and emotional independence of women- as an adult educator and independent woman, I am deeply offended by these “women” that are sadly more frequent than rare.   It sickens and it disgusts me to the point that I have made sure that I will be part of a powerful documentary and team to expose these women and bring their sick behavior to an end.

Blinded by their own ambitions and emotional un-wellness, they are representing women in a way that needs to change!  I am committed to being part of that change!  If you are THAT woman, come clean and get well and we welcome you to join into the movement of loving your kids and bringing dignity to our gender!

Thanks for listening….dedicated to you CPM! ! Praying for your broken heart – one day you will see them again!






Living Without Plants…….

Can you live without plants?  

pond_3254966bIt’s a gorgeous day!  The sun is shining, the birds are singing and there is a slight feel of  the crispness of the fall day on this 3rd Saturday in October!   I have my doors and windows wide open! I am loving the freshness and drinking in every last minute of the sun season  in preparation for the presence of the impending  winds and rain that are so common here in the rain forests of BC.

I looked out my window and  was delighted to see flowers still blooming in their planters! My pansies!  Their adorable smiling faces are looking back at me, and the hint of the silhouette of an angel painted across their gentle faces make them my most favorite flower!!              pansy-flower

I bounced down the stairs, with papers in hand making my way to the recycling bin.  Relishing my rare day off I slowed down my pace  walking by several planters and pots.

While experiencing the joy of seeing the flowers bloom or smelling the fragrance of the lavender that gently grows throughout the year, I became aware of thoughts not familiar to my mind!

While my day is delightful, hovering in the background my heart is troubled over some personal issues I am unable to resolve.  I looked at the plants that I love and sensed an overwhelming feeling of tiredness.   I noticed that one of my planters that is full of beautiful fall pansies bursting out like it’s spring, had weeds hiding in among them.  The weeds, while  green like the leaves of the flower,  were much  larger and looked silly to me trying to hide among the beauty.  These nasty intruders were clearly trying to hide the fact that their intention was to take over!! Their goal was to choke the life out of the tiny, gentle plants.

Normally it wouldn’t bother me, but with the hard decisions looming before me, I felt myself sigh….”weeding…now”?? “Can’t I just have a plant that doesn’t grow weeds”?

I noticed my chest rising as I paused and took a deep breath. Mixed with emotions, I determined to release my breath slowly while honoring and listening to my thoughts.

In the quietness of this moment I became aware of a still soft voice seeming to appear out of the plants speaking straight to my heart. As weird as it might seem, it was as if the plants whispered (for the record, I don’t believe plants can talk) -“Candace, we are plants, we need food, and water, and feeding and grooming, (weeding)…, why are you surprised at the presences of weeds? Don’t you like the work that comes with us? I also realized that relationships are like plants.  They are gentle, easily crushed and come with weeds!  Weeds of misunderstanding, judgement, harsh words, neglect and general lack of care, can choke the life out of any relationship.  Maybe if we understand that relationships are like yards and gardens, we might approach them more simply and clearly, applying simple acts of tender kindness to help them live healthy- doing our part.  Weeds are inevitable, they came with the conditions of the Garden……so I began to understand the lesson here.

I understood that my current weariness was a combination of physical exhaustion due to working two full time jobs for the past month and emotional draining through circumstances not relevant to mention here.  I felt so upset with those weeds and it was silly, as I usually don’t mind weeding at all…. I saw that I just didn’t want to do the work. Very simply, if you don’t like the work then don’t have plants”!


Plants, like relationships, take work- so I saw my need to adjust my attitude and take a clue from the plants….. If you don’t want the work then “Live without  Plants”!



Enjoy your day…. and enjoy your plants!

Candace xxoo