How does “Love” Get Lost? Understanding Divisions in Relationships

SILOUTETTEThe experience of “love lost” can leave hope that ” love found” is a possibility.  Candace 2015

If you are human and reading this, somewhere or somehow you will experience this life challenge -if you aren’t in the middle of it already!  Without oversimplifying or taking into consideration abusive situations,  falling “in” and “out” of love in relationships and including “love lost” between family members, friends. and others, seems inevitable and unavoidable.   For sure there are thousands of articles written by experts, incurable romantics,  and cynics on the mysteries of being in love one minute and out of it the next minute and why people seem to cross from one extreme of love to another.

I thought I would throw in my proverbial two cents!  I believe this can apply to all relationships that change in a “heartbeat”.   How can a husband who once loved his wife dearly, find himself “protecting”  himself from the very woman he once adored? How can wives, mothers, fathers, children and dear friends end up not speaking to each other?   Division is a disease! Its  a “cancer”  and it has all the same traits as physical “cancer”-   Cancer by rapidly dividing brings many other “otherwise” healthy cells (people) with it and and it happens emotionally and physically far too much!  Consider the term “projection”.

Beware in case a root of bitterness rises up inside of you and “defiles many”… (spreads like a cancer among all those you talk about it too) … Paul the Apostle

In a instant our feelings can change towards those that we interact with by what is going on “INSIDE” ourselves, not what’s happening  to us on the “OUTSIDE”.

It is 1000 % impossible for ANY human being to climb inside you and make you behave a certain way.  If bad behavior, forgiveness, hatred, division, and every other possible human feeling comes out of you while interacting with another, then “its coming out of you”!  No one can do ANYTHING outside of you to “bring out this bad stuff in you- unless it’s already IN there”!   Its a tough thing to face, but one that must be faced indeed. If I act unkind or mean, or cold towards another it’s because I have something inside of me that I believe in is happening (even if it isn’t) and I act as if what I believe is true and then I “project” that behavior onto another. This is the essence of “projection” – I’m not pretending to think it is happening but  at that critical emotional moment I am truly believing what I am projecting onto you is true!   I think it is truly happening and then I “act” on that truth by dividing myself against you.

According to Wikipedia the psychological term for “projection” is this: Psychological projection, also known as blame shifting, is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others.[1] For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.According to some research, the projection of one’s negative qualities onto others is a common process in everyday life.[2

not in love




I am sure we have all experienced shocking things said by people who don’t know us, or  think they do know us but are completely off base. Sadly we have been guilty of this ourselves! It is pretty easy for humans to do this and we are all capable of doing this.  Words are powerful and we have all been guilty of using them wrongly. On the receiving end, these things can happen either from us or to us as a result of projection.

The sad process for division by projection is understood in these 5 steps: 

1. Some kind of incident that triggers “maladaptive and emotionally immature thinking processes” (possibly triggered by a hurt that in the initial reaction is unable to be understood at the time, or threat to personal sense of emotional safety).

2. The inability on the person who is hurt to recognize their own heart change – again it’s  “in YOUR heart” and that is NOT attributed to the actions of the other person regardless of how you felt or you judged what you thought was happening. (emotional panic attack, makes you think something has happened when that is not exactly how the story goes).  Again,  no one can “change” you inside because if they could, wouldn’t they want to change your heart for good back to them so they can be close to you again?.

3. The refusal to question your OWN  change of heart, measured against what you believe just happened or is happening? (you don’t have enough accurate information to make decisions)

4. The pride that keeps your judgements alive without questioning your accuracy of judgement.

5. The emotional  immaturity that continues by not seeing the bigger picture.

Sadly, these are the steps that keep division alive. If we have the courage to truly look at ourselves, we have to admit that our “strongest” relationships are measured by our “weakest ones”. In other words,  if we have all kinds of divisions and then we think we have all kinds of “healthy loving relationships”  we are lying to ourselves.

We are only as strong as our weakest relationships…..  

As soon as the people you are with now do something to hurt you, you will end up acting exactly the same way to them at some point.  If you are capable of doing it to one person, you will do this to another until you see it and change.  This requires deep thinking and higher emotional intelligence. It’s a challenge for sure as we tend not to want to have to “work” on ourselves. We look for “false peace” and we run from relationship challenges that are intended for our growth. We want things to come easy and we don’t want to have to do the “work” of forgiveness or learn greater understanding.

For those of you who are sitting in the judgement of weak minded people who are continuing to “project”- hang in there. Keep your heart open and one day, someday, the scales will drop off.  I know its hard to wait, as memories and life which is so short and unpredictable continues on by. One day  they will truly “see ” that all this time, you always loved them and missed them dearly!   Just because they can’t believe it right now, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.

Pray for the eyes of their understanding to be open and that they find healing for what is troubling them, so they can be healthy.   When they become secure enough to take a look inside and learn the lesson then they will no longer twist your attempts to reach out as some kind of manipulation. Their eyes will be clear and “see”  you for the real person you are.

To the pure, all things are pure….God 

This is why it is super important to stay open and forgiving, so that when they do return, you are ready and open in your heart to resume love! You can’t hold burning coals of un-forgiveness and judgement close to your heart without it burning you.

“Guard YOUR  heart with ALL diligence for out of it proceeds the issues of life”….. God

So if there are those of you who have experienced “my projection” I am truly and humbly sorry….. let’s eradicate this emotional cancer called division and find Love again!



AGT Season 2 WINNER Terry Fator is successful… but how do you define success?

Terry Fator


Terry Fator, America’s Got Talent Season 2 winner is very successful!  Terry is extremely talented, with having 100 ventriloquist impersonations, and 16 different puppets in his act.

He is certainly a superb entertainer, however, he is far more than a Las Vegas act.  Terry and his show changes the lives of people every day, for the good,  including some of my friends.

It is a privilege to be in the “industry”,  (slang for entertainment) and an even bigger privilege when you meet people that you can call friends.  Terry Fator is one of those people.  When we were producing our successful Canadian TV Series, (Unscripted, a 1/2 hour celebrity biography show in 2008/ 2009 ) the executive producer added a special line up that focused on newcomer and AGT Season 2 winner, Terry Fator.

Terry drove all night from Las Vegas to the Beverly Montage Hotel where we were filming just to get to the interview on time! His professional and polite demeanor on the set demonstrated his impressive work ethic combined with his integral character to get to us on time. He can certainly personify the song, “I drove all night” ♬ ♬

Traveling along with him were some of his cast of characters!  I imagined the murmurings of these life like, delightful, and whimsical puppets having conversations with each other while complaining about traveling inconveniences being transported in a trunk.

What is really important to know about Terry, is that he is a deeply caring and compassionate human being and the thousands who have attended his shows have experienced that.  Friends of mine that Terry graciously hosted at his show in Las Vegas have come back to tell me the stories of audience members that he has supported through sickness, health and celebrations.

This past year he lost his beloved sister Debi. I did not know Debi, but I understand as I have too lost my sister in the past year and a half.  Terry’s willingness to openly share is heart and grief with his audiences endears him to those who get to participate in his shows. To hear his tribute to his beloved sister click here

A few nights ago, Terry delighted his audience with an old fashioned marriage proposal to his very surprised fiance, Angie Fiore  if you scroll down on his page FB Page,  you will see a very precious exchange between Terry and his new bride to be!   Congratulations Terry and Angie!

See Terry with Angie-

Cashman Photo

So how do you define success in the “industry”?  Outside of his obvious talent and over 290,000 FB fans, Terry’s success is his heart, kindness and amazing compassion!

If you can’t get to Vegas anytime soon, then at least enjoy his show here on you tube!

Proud to call you my friend!


Have you been “cut off”??…… it doesn’t have to be a “bad” thing!

My mother was an amazing gardener; me, not so much. I knew that my sisters managed to figure it out and to my knowledge are all great gardeners. However, having had so much influence around me, I couldn’t figure out why I was a such a dismal failure.

I would watch my mom chop back her roses until there was almost nothing left. She did this in preparation for the fall and winter seasons, ( I thought she was killing them). She assured me it was necessary.  When spring came around to my surprise,  tiny buds formed just above the places she had pruned.  Before you knew it there were a harvest of gorgeous salmon colored, incredibly fragrant roses! It was a mystery to me.  I had tried many times to grow herbs, especially herbs,  because of my love for cooking and using fresh produce. I used my mother’s pruning principles; in my  mind I did exactly what she did!   My luck with pruning was poor,  to say the least.  I would buy already established plants to see if that would help and did exactly as the garden center instructed me with the feeding, watering regime and soil quality. At first they would look awesome, but of course they were already established plants.   They would grow for a few weeks so beautifully, and then when it came time to harvest, they would die within a week of harvesting the herbs!    I could NOT figure it out……until recently.

My favorite teacher, Jesus, said ” He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.

I was sure I used this principle when I was trimming my herbs??  However, time and time again, they would die.  In my frustration, I had asked another expert what I was doing wrong.  It turns out I was “cutting them off or pruning them all wrong”.  Apparently there is a “right way” to cut something off.  Pruning is vital and important to the growth of plants and the principles work the same with people.

I discovered that there is a certain place on the plant that you never cut below, or it simply won’t grow and that is exactly what I was doing wrong. Apparently you can trim things back until you reach the point where there is still a little growth. That will then inspire new growth. But I was cutting it off completely down to the bottom thinking that would do the trick and all it did was kill the plant.

So there is a lesson I learned from pruning that I can apply to people and relationships.

If you cut someone off completely and leave NO room for any kind of opportunity for reconciliation, that is the same mistake I was making when I was cutting my herbs. I was taking everything away. In people, when you cut them off without any chance of reconciliation, you take their hope away and you will kill their spirit.   They can’t grow, because people, like plants, have to have some hope that their pruning will help them understand what you are trying to tell them.  They also need time in your presence to hear your heart and concerns, otherwise they can only speculate.  Cutting them off completely leaves them in the state you left them and you have just contributed to their lack of growth.  No one can grow with out feedback, good soil, understanding and hope that they can learn from their mistakes or gain insight into why you felt the need to “prune” them.IMG_0872 IMG_0771 IMG_0890  IMG_0891 IMG_0887

So if you have cut someone off and think that somehow you are going to “improve” them, think again. Forgiveness, compassion and yes, even sharing your heart and pain in a respectful way is like pruning correctly.  But complete cutting them off with no hope of ever being able to sort it out…. well that’s just cruelty… serves no purpose…it kills………………

LJK- Let’s remember that Love, Joy Kindness are the gifts we have to give one another… lets’ build one another up…We are called to love……


Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins

Matthew 6:14“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15“But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

No Limits! A MUST Read for this Summer!

Every once in awhile you get the chance to read a book that compels you to look beyond yourself. While this book doesn’t fall into the “self help” category, it has the same impact!  “No Limits”  will draw you in as you ride on a life journey of an unstoppable premiere athlete.   While I have never considered myself an athlete, I have certainly maneuvered through life’s challenging obstacles that feel strangely similar in overcoming defeat again and again.

NO LIMITS- Buy it here

This can’t put it down until you finish book,  is the true story of a life lived beyond the limits of  human endurance. Proud to call her a fellow Canadian, World Champion Kick Boxer, Secret Police Officer and RAAM (Race Across America) Bike Champion, Leah Goldstein, with the help of colleague and friend Lori Moger, have documented in detail, the experiences and internal thoughts of a determination that is unprecedented. This book takes you on a journey as if you are climbing along with Leah and feeling the impact of her surpassing physical and mental agony rising from ordinary to the extraordinary.  Raw, honest and real, this book will propel anyone to look beyond the pain that holds them from reaching their dreams and fires the courage inside to dig deep.

“School’s out”

It’s a lazy early summer afternoon and I am sitting here on our beautiful deck, enjoying the statuesque oak, maple and cedar trees lining the spacious back yard.  Just 20 feet away a squirrel is rapidly advancing into the maple tree to grab more seeds and filling the already fatted cheeks! I can feel the gentle breeze and hear the call of finches in the woods behind our new place.  Wild flowers we planted recently are starting to poke their heads through the rich, brown soil bringing the promise of butterflies and hummingbirds.   The red syrup is prepped and ready to attract one of my favorite birds in the hummingbird feeder just 3 feet away!

I spent a part of this afternoon sleeping on the covered hammock down by the oak trees.  I have never been in such a beautiful and restful space. It backs onto a ravine with a trickling creek down below. What a gift! ! It’s like camping in your own backyard! All it needs now is the big swing between the two giant oak trees! Can’t wait! Hubby’s next project! IMG_0248 IMG_0250 IMG_0251

Summer is a time to live fully, enjoying nature and trying new things. I work hard all year round as you do too  and so it’s such a pleasure to enjoy the time at home. Whatever you are doing this summer, make sure you are giving yourself the best summer ever!

Time for a change…..


Just over two years ago my husband and I celebrated our lives together. I have never known of a couple who has gone through so much and had so much love and family and friends supporting our lives together while having a few choice enemies to try and subvert us. They weren’t successful.  We have been through so much, in our 4 years together.  When I first met my husband, his father had just died only a few months prior and he was just finding his voice and inner strength.

The following year in spite of untold adversity from “those closest”,  and a very nasty divorce and vicious attacks, we then had to deal with  my mother who broke her hip twice in the same few months. The first one was once in later June 2011 and the other in Oct 2011.  She subsequently died in my arms Nov 11, 2011.

After all the hardship and stress, he was still my rock and my strength. While still grieving a few months later and having had the stress of another difficult situation, he was innocently obeying the law while waiting for a bus to pull out and a woman who didn’t see the bus  he was legally waiting to pull out from slammed into him.  The impact was so bad his frame crumbled on his car and he has permanent nerve damage and spasms.  After the accident it was debilitating for him and I had to take on a second job to pay his family obligations due to him not being able to work for over 7 months. My older sister needed to move from the cold in Edmonton to live with us  and not long after she came to live with us all kinds of strange symptoms eventually resulted in a tragic diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. Not long after,  she died this past January 11, 2014.  After her death and in the middle of so much grief,  we had a near fatal car accident May 4th….
In spite of all the challenges we have, we are strong and our love is stronger and our forgiveness for those who have hurt us continues to be our priority.  We just sold our house to release the hold that was on us and we are excited about our new journey and our future… stay tuned for more to come…… thank you for your love!



Semiahmoo Resort- North West Washington- Welcome Back!!

For over 20 years Semiahmoo Resort was my “home away from home”.

As a radio host, and celebrity television producer, I enjoyed coming to the resort all year around for the comfort of the warm fires, beautifully appointed rooms, luxurious spa, amenities and spectacular ocean views.

In the summer I played on the sandy beaches, soaked up the sun, enjoyed fire pits and a fantastic glass of wine while rocking on a cozy chair admiring the sunset.  In the fall, I would take the quick drive through the border from Canada, to enjoy the colorful autumn leaves, long walks and bike rides along the spectacular Peninsula and bird sanctuary.  In the winter, the roaring of a wood burning fire complete with stunning ocean views from my room became the inspiration for writing.   The warm, pine and wood cabin feel with the luxury of a 5 star hotel, pool, indoor and outdoor courts, was everything anyone could ask for just a hop, skip and jump across the Northwest Washington border.


In the summer of 2012, after years of experiencing changes in management, I became disenchanted with the poor skills of the former management and owners.  Over and over they fell short of what this stunning property represented to the community at large and the cross border guests.   Last summer after an insulting conversation that left me stunned, I had no choice but to sadly end my relationship with the hotel.  I had planned on getting married there and hoping to enjoy our honeymoon, but the dream was shattered and plans changed rapidly.


The management and marketing lead at the time did not find value in my long relationship, promotion and advertising I had done for them spontaneously over the years. Through my natural love for the property, I raved about the resort, through my website, radio show and the numerous amount of guests both business and celebrity, that I had brought to the property.  I had even taken all my kids there since they young to enjoy the beauty of this jewel so close to home.  My 23 year old daughter, enjoyed playing the black baby grand piano in Stars for the guests one evening when she was only 6 years old!


As far away as England, I promoted this property! I shared my ravings about this spectacular resort and I was faithful to promote it regularly; the management did not return the loyalty.


Ten months ago, this spectacular place shut down.  We found out when we drove by one day and although not surprised, was saddened at the empty parking lot.  I couldn’t help but know in my heart it was an inevitable outcome. given the past few years of poor leadership.  I even tried to find a way to have friends of mine in a private equity group try and purchase the property, in the hopes of restoring both employment and the integrity of this marvelous place, but it was not to happen.   As a natural promoter, operational and customer service specialist, I knew what it would take to make this property an outstanding place and longed to see something happen for it’s future. It appeared to be too late, being closed for such a long time.


Then today, on a spontaneous unplanned visit, my husband and I decided to go for a bike ride down to the peninsula to enjoy the birds and the ocean.  We left our car down at the park still thinking that the resort was closed. We hopped on our bikes and while enjoying spectacular views and gorgeous weather, we were about to turn around at the parking lot to head back when we suddenly discovered to our delight, it has reopened!  I have to admit I was somewhat guarded and told my husband we really needed to see who the management was.  We approached the front desk and already experienced the friendliness of the staff, security guard and front desk manager.


To our delight we discovered that the Wright Group had purchased the property and has the Coastal Hotel Group managing it!  You can’t even imagine my excitement as I met and spoke with the front desk manager letting her know about my past experiences and my new excitement! From the bellboy to the security guard and the restaurant staff in Packers, their enthusiasm for the property, customers and rebuilding the strength of the glory days is amazing!

So, welcome back Semiahmoo Resort!  I’m excited your back and I am committed to supporting you and your success through my natural love and promotion of your property, as I have over the past 20 years!


Kudos to Coast Hotel Group and the Wright Group for doing the “right thing” and giving us back our sanctuary!




Legal Shield!

It’s been a while since I have been on my blog!

Many things have taken place since the last time I wrote here.  My precious oldest sister has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and it has spread to her  brain, lymph nodes and adrenal glands.  It has been a trying process for her and all who care about her.  One of the most important things that became clear was that my sister did not have a will.  Being that she has a life expectancy of less than a year,  and because it has traveled to her brain, the need to put into place her protections for end of life, became a priority.

Further, for her sake and the sake of her family members, a will was imperative.   She didn’t have one and those who die without a will, leave a huge family mess. At issue for most of us is affordability, and being that she is no longer working, trying to enable her to access a lawyer, given her poor health, became a critical obstacle.

I was introduced to a program that turned out to be something that would assist my sister at this time in her life.

However, this product and the benefits are for anyone, without having a critical event.

Legal Shield is the “insurance” for legal advice and support for only $26.00 per month. The option to add  identify theft protection is an asset and unlike any program I have ever seen.  From legal insurance support for  home based business or for small companies to benefit from the critical advice and expertise Legal shield programs provide, I have all the resources I need.

My sister just signed up simply over the phone and has already in the draft stages of her will. Her health care directions and will have been processed in less than 3 weeks from start to finish.  Your free will is included in your membership fee of only $26.00 per month! There is no reason to wait!

To provide you with accurate information  and to ensure we met the Unlocking Secrets for Women mandate of providing, quality products, resources and education for the benefit of woman and their families I experienced Legal Shield myself.

I had the honor recently, of interviewing my Legal Shield representative, Patricia Lapena,  right here in my own kitchen!    After doing this interview, I was completely sold and convinced that this an important program for anyone!

Not only did I understand fully what Legal Shield has to offer, but I signed up for the complete package. Recently,  I myself am now a new Legal Shield representative!  In the past month, so far, I have had over 6 –  1/2 hour conversations with lawyers, including having them read and assist me in 4 different contracts and HR advice.

This also included separate issues that my husband had.  He himself, has had at least 5 hours of conversation with a lawyer and that is all included in both of our one monthly fee of $26.00 for both of us. If you have children, they are included too.

I did not have to pay any extra money for the services that I have benefited from. In fact, I have also added the home based buisness assistance and added identify theft for both my husband and myself and  it is still a very low monthly rate!

This is truly a resource  I am very proud to represent.

Please feel free to go to my link to learn more:

Here are the 6 segments for information on Legal Shield starting with the introduction to Legal Shield here:

1.       Introduction to Legal Shield –


2.       Benefits and wills –


3.       Satisfaction and monthly billing-


4.       Identify Theft  – 


5.       Home based business protection and support –


6.       Small Business owners and their employees benefit!-


Once again, go to:

to start your Legal Shield monthly membership for only $26.00 per month- it’s just a click away!

go to: