Please Help Me Remember Your Name- Laverne Gfroerer

An elderly woman was standing in line at the bank, arm in arm with her son Gordon. She had progressing Alzheimer’s and was wending her way graciously through increasing moments of confusion and fog. A woman, obviously a long-time friend, greeted her with loving enthusiasm and the elderly woman looked, for a moment, lost. Then she gathered herself together, smiled and said, “I know that you know me, and that I must know you, but my memory is not very good these days. Please help me remember your name.”

Her son, so moved by her grace as this illness took hold, by how she was able to not pretend to know someone, but simply state how things were for her, wrote a song, a moving tribute of a son to a mother. It is a gift to us all. Here is one verse of the song.

Please help me remember your name, my mind goes to sleep, I’m a little ashamed

I don’t mean to slight you but I’m asking again, please help me remember your name.

A time may well come when the dark is at hand, when memory dries up and comes to an end.

And who will I be if I forget who I am? Stay close, I’ll be needing a friend,

To help me remember my name, when it’s slipped from my mind and I just can’t explain.

In the grim muddy moments of confusion and pain, please help me remember my name.

Wes Foster lies in his room at Kiwanis Care Centre in North Vancouver, gentle music playing (Finding the Still Point, music for healing). The music is beautiful, peaceful, the Vancouver Chamber Choir in one of its best moments. Foster Is 65, former principal clarinet of the Vancouver Symphony, and an amazing musician and human being.

He was stricken with early onset Alzheimer’s at 56 and now cannot speak or feed himself, but today he knows us and holds our hands tightly. The music has brought him back from the shadows. His brilliant smile and alert eyes connect and we know beyond the shadow of a doubt that for a brief moment he understands. This is both tragic and miraculous, and makes us understand how vital it is that friends find the courage to keep connected, to keep the essence of this man, now so altered, in their hearts.

Andy Hackh was a kind and gentle spirit, manager and stage manager for opera companies and orchestras across the country. He also worked with the Vancouver Chamber Choir for a while and lived for a number of years on the North Shore. In his late 50s he began to struggle with dementia. One night he was beaten in an alley and the dementia took hold. He died at 62 in Riverview Psychiatric Hospital, unable to communicate, lost in a world we can’t understand. The only thing that reached inside and brought back his smile was his opera music, which the care aides played constantly to soothe his anxiety.

Wishing to honour those who struggle with debilitating illnesses, and their remarkable caregivers, the Vancouver Chamber Choir is creating the third and final CD in their Music for Healing Series. Titled A Quiet Place, music for healing III, it completes the circle begun by Finding the Still Point – music for healing, designed for use in palliative care and in alternative therapy sessions, and Unexpected Gifts – music for healing II (the family set – dialogues for families in crisis), designed for families going through the serious illness or loss of a child.

So often those who are struck with debilitating diseases become invisible. Friends and colleagues don’t know how to be with them as they change, so they stay away. It can be a lonely time. The intention of this project is to bring them back into focus, the music providing a time of respite and inner calm. It is our way of saying, ‘You do not stand alone.’

A Quiet Place will be funded by individuals, businesses or circles of friends who wish to dedicate lines or pages in the CD booklet in honour of loved ones who have struggled, or are still struggling with illness. Besides the pages for Foster and Hackh, a number of pages are already being funded for dedication for other North Shore residents:

• Marion Haney, long time teacher and resident of the North Shore who handled Alzheimer’s with amazing grace.
• Blaine Woit, who struggled courageously with ALS at a too early age and never lost his spirit.
• Roger Dancey, stricken with Parkinson’s and the dementia that eventually accompanied it, but a loving gentleman to the end.
• Dorothea Douglas-Henry/Yates who lived lovingly despite dementia claiming her memory.

If you would like to participate in this project in some way please contact Laverne Gfroerer at vernsdtr@telus.net or 604-985-3280. More information about sponsorship of this project can be found at www.vancouverchamberchoir.com and click on the box A Quiet Place.

Laverne Gfroerer is a CGA on the North Shore, a professional singer with the Vancouver Chamber Choir for 30 years and creator (with conductor Jon Washburn) of the Music for Healing series. She is a volunteer healing touch practitioner who works with many people who are struggling or facing their mortality.

If you would like to participate in this project in some way please contact Laverne Gfroerer at vernsdtr@telus.net or 604-985-3280. More information about sponsorship of this project can be found at www.vancouverchamberchoir.com and click on the box A Quiet Place.