Author Archives: admin

Are you willing?

Here’s to your full healing. Be courageous ! It’s time ❤️🙏 Would you be willing? 💕🙏

Healing broken relationships.

Right now we have time to process and learn emotional intelligence in a way we might never have had before.

For most of us having a broken relationship might mean we are having a difficult time knowing how to fix it, or find a way back, OR even worse, unwilling to find a way back.

We gamble living with regret when we had the power to do something about it. You owe it to yourself to do a deep dive, so you minimize the regret YOU will live with should the unthinkable happen. Until you choose to be courageous it’s going to keep being in your way and will impede you from fully moving forward.

Think about this. Your current relationships, no matter how good you think they are, are only as good as you are navigating them, emotionally speaking. Not dealing with the unfinished, demonstrates limits and a lack of willingness to grow through challenges with the unresolved party. This will stay in the back of your mind, whether you think so or not. If your current relationship should trigger you the way your unresolved one is doing, you will NOT have the skills to move through it as you have no knowledge of how to do so. You can’t take yourself past where you have drawn a line. Therefore, if anyone in your current life should trigger you the same way it’s “game over” so to speak. You will practise what you have learned or find yourself unable to resolve what you haven’t yet learned. Division and walls are NOT solutions, that is called “avoidance”.

The lack of resolution is like living with a broken leg that hasn’t healed. You refused the surgery because you were scared and the “temporary cast” isn’t doing its job. Of course it’s not good for your emotional, physical and mental health and certainly damaging to your current relationship.

You owe it to yourself to heal.

Like a broken arm or a broken leg that’s unhealed, a broken heart that is hurt because of a relationship and remains broken is unhealthy and will impair your ability to live your fullest life.

In fact, an unhealed heart can increase your anxiety, increase uncertainty, increase heartache and impair you emotionally, physically and spiritually in a way that nothing else can.

Think of it this way.

Adversity can come in relationships from the most benign challenges to the hardest. Kind of like lifting weights. If you continue with a commitment to deal with your problems, no matter how hard, it’s like lifting the small weight and continue to gradually add the ability to lift more as you encounter and resolve each trial. If you only manage the “small ones” and avoid the big ones, then you will be unable to “lift” when it’s needed. You don’t have the strength or experience of a resolved challenge to get you to the next one.

It’s unfinished business.

The truth is, the impact within you singularly, (that broken relationship) is impacting YOU internally. You are not being honest or realistic with yourself or others. It’s still broken inside of you and until you tackle it with courage and skill, you will remain unable think differently and resolve it. This “stuff” is coming from YOUR insides. I promise you, the underlying hurt invades every single way you approach people. It can’t be avoided, it spills out. You owe yourself more than this.❤️

We might be stuck, unable to see our way through and just afraid and unwilling to step into something that’s painful. But what happens if we would just be willing to consider another way? With courage, humility and a simple adjustment of thought, we can make all the difference to opening that door.

Practical help:

Here is an excellent podcast from two world renowned complex negotiators that understand the need for emotional intelligence in relationship and conflict resolution. It’s possible to grow and learn a better way. Take a listen here:

A New Way to Think:

What happens if instead of believing the person that hurt you is bad, why not take a different approach? Develop compassionate curiosity learning emotional intelligence, which replaces revenge, walls or bitterness. Anyone can learn this and is a level of intelligence we can all achieve.

We all want the same thing: We all want to be loved and understood, so why don’t you shift your thoughts to a different view by considering, maybe the person, like you, isn’t all bad, is more than there mistakes and has good in them too?

What happens if you decide to see them as good and focus on that? What we focus on grows either good or bad. Are you the one who has made them so bad in your mind, that now you can’t reach out, or are too far gone?

It’s never too late. Love can heal anything, if you let it.

What story have you told yourself?

What if you become curious and vulnerable and soft hearted enough to want to know the others story, or perspective ALONG with yours?

Have you become the sole authority and knower of another persons heart? If you think so, that’s a pretty heavy place to have put yourself. Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling or imagining you know where they are coming from is too big of a burden and frankly, isn’t even realistic, or sustainable.

Our inability to see someone as a complete human (good and not so good) often blocks our ability to find our way through to reconciliation and healing.

More practical help:

Here is another learning that might help you. This FBI negotiator has determined to let you see into his heart on how we can learn from failure.

If you focused on the wrong that someone has done and you are stuck there, why don’t you do yourself a favour and look at them differently? Why not allow some other perspective into your story to create a more balanced and holistic thinking?

Without all perspectives, you are flying with one wing my friend, and you may not see that you are spinning around in the same circle that started when you decided to cut someone out of your life.

I promise its what “you” have done to “you” that is at stake here.

As far as the person you have shut out, they have gifts and strengths that God has placed within them that you are no longer benefiting from. That’s just sad.

It doesn’t mean that what happened to you or how you experienced things wasn’t real. It means it’s not the whole story and that’s why you’re stuck.

Open your heart.

Just as we want others to see past our human mistakes and see the good in us, consider they have good in them too and start there. 🙏

You owe yourself the opportunity to be completely whole, dealing with any unhealed areas inside of you. If you won’t do it for you, do it for those around you that you love. Because truthfully, no matter what you think, they are not able to experience all of you, because all of you isn’t fully open. 🙏💕

If you still struggle with “how they hurt you” and can’t find a way to forgive, here’s a little episode from the movie The Shack f(ilmed right here in British Columbia) that might just help. Here’s to your full healing ! 🙏💕hCandy$$isaverygoodperson##toknowabout$$v=5caGyE8BoXs

“Trust Your Gut”?


This article is my personal first hand experience watching the term “trusting your gut” be abused and misused.

This is a bit of a long read and learned lessons, based on the phrase ‘Don’t let your good be spoken evil of”.

If your decisions have left collateral damage, you might want to consider this thoughtful posting.

If you are operating in integrity, while trusting your gut, there will be full transparency, absolute integrity and “buy in” without manipulating at each step along the way.

Patiently willing to learn and understand the concerns of those who love and care for you while you wait for the witness of important pieces and people before “acting on things”, will assist you in purifying any intentions or possible future mishaps.

Think of it as a caution sign. ⚠️

Imagine if you were walking on a pathway you’ve never walked on before. You want take each step very carefully and ensure that everything is in agreement before you make the next step. This is important in unknown territory and especially when the collateral damage potential is high.

As with any “passion pursuits” the caution provides the much needed “ stop & pause” level of accountability that passion makes us blind to at the time of exciting opportunities.

“In the multitude of counsellors, there is safety”.

Consider: A full witness and agreement all around is prudent and if rejected, often exposes possibly, less than honourable motives.

Your “ gut “ will be just ONE of the “multiple, moral and integral” factors that assist in indicating you’re moving the right way, and the sign will be you have kept valuable relationships in tact.
In seeking the best outcomes you might think you are doing things the “right thing”, but get it the, “wrong way”, however you might not be operating in the highest outcome for everyone involved, including yourself.

I feel we should consider an added value to the statement “ trusting your gut”. We just can’t use this statement in an isolated vacuum. The term “trusting your gut“, has to have a measured approach and protected by a strong commitment to ethical outcomes for all concerned. “Trusting your gut”, cannot stand on its own without accountability and must be a complete and transparent process ending in “win-win”.

To reject the prudence test, exposes immaturity and self-centred needs that will show up over time. If it can’t pass the first test of prudence, it’s not going to pass any future test. Tests are an inevitable pressure on relationships to bring less than desirable qualities to the surface for healing or resolve.

The deeper the impact on outcomes towards others, the more time should be given in making decisions.

I have had to learn some tough lessons of late.

In my experience, seeing behaviours that were disappointing, I had to accept a lack of honour and integrity in some of the relationships in the past.

I’ve learned “loyalty” is an optional outcome in relationships if one interferes with the goals of another. I experienced outcomes that did not line up with integrity in my friendships. That was and is a big lesson to learn. I experienced, in certain cases, that I was a pitstop for individuals to pursue relationships that I had nurtured, so those same individuals could directly benefit. Sadly, some very important relationships have been ruined due to these type of selfish pursuits.

Boundaries are a must in business AND in personal relationships.

I am learning to be diligent in who has access to my friendships and why.

This was/ is hard for me as I naturally love to gather people together and really see others connect and grow.
I am learning, now more than ever, to pay close attention to the possibility of less than honourable motives with those who have access to the connections I have the honour to build. Trusted relationships have a very vulnerable side.

Hollywood is a tough town to find integrity.
When I started working in the entertainment industry in 2008, we were filming a celebrity biography TV show in Beverly Hills. I had come up with the idea to create a more profitable add on to the shows I was already producing in Vancouver, Canada.

I went to LA to meet significant Hollywood movers and shakers to start the development process. I cold called and built the trust necessary to start the conversation and development. 15 years later, I am grateful to have maintained these relationships in spite of significant obstacles by those with less than integrity. Out of that initial work a secondary opportunity had opened and I carefully and strategically facilitated a meeting with high profile people and very well known networks.

I further believed we all had the same shared values of integrity. I was wrong. Initially, I was included in conversations, emails and all seemed above board.

Out of know where was a slight “ tone change” took place and I later discovered that back door deals were made leaving me left out.

Money-(the love of money=greed) can bring that out in people – but I’ve learned that so can loneliness and desperation.

As with all things that are not built on integrity, the project eventually failed, unable to stand the test of integrity.

Hollywood can be a dirty business and the entertainment industry is full of it. What is hard, is this can also be a similar lack of integrity and in close relationships where you believed you had a degree of trust.

But again, human beings regardless of the context, don’t often choose to be the best version of themselves when they could. They often reach for the lowest and easiest common denominator.

This is exactly why good things are hard and have to pass the test of time.

I knew I had to be wiser in business and with my celebrity clients, but this has struck close to home several times now and I need to learn my lesson.

So this advice is for myself and if it benefits others as well, all the better.

Your “gut” might tell you all kinds of things that you believe are correct, but without the presence of a transparent process and ethical filter, for the greater good for everyone involved, you’re not trusting your gut. The danger of acting in selfishness with a personal agenda will cause failures.

I promise you.

Think twice about what it means to “trust your gut”. Allow the test of time and demonstrate your integrity. Don’t run from it, press into it. You will be better for it.

“ mans rejection is Gods protection “ 🙏❤️

Cold, Wind, Eyes, Smell, Wine, Money, Blood, and Big Feet

March 17, 2020- today being St. Patrick’s day it was also our parents wedding day in Britain way back in 1944~

But I need to tell you all about this!

This is Titled :

Cold, Wind, Eyes, Smell, Wine, Money, Blood, and Big Feet

Look for clues below…

Yup it’s all true… it happened.. all of it… no exaggerating…

Picture this… its Friday March 13, 2020… we had a sense to cancel our 6 month plan of being in California for spring break as we really recognized something is going on that we can’t control.  So we changed  plans to come to Victoria instead.  During the day Friday, we took a walk around our hotel and found this fabulous newer restaurant that we had never heard of!!  We were so excited that we booked a wonderful sunset seat for 2 for dinner later that evening.  It was brisk out and there was a wind warning… I dressed warmly, Jim not so much… it matters to the story…Cold…

We arrived at our dinner walking briskly due to the cold air and wind warnings that had picked up that afternoon…..we should have just turned around and ordered room service…..Wind….

We were seated at our beautiful sunset table and was handed the menu ….As I struggled to read the  light colored ink of the menu with my aging eyes .I couldn’t quite make it out so I asked Siri to turn the flashlight on my phone so I could read better….Jim wanted to be a gentleman so he told me to put my phone away and he would hold his phone flashlight over the menu… I was too polite to complain and I actually couldn’t see  with all his effort but I did my best…. And together we looked at the options… Eyes


In viewing the menu for the wine, it was decided by Jim, that I would choose a good quality that we usually see when we look at this web-site, moderate wine and for confidence, I would taste the 2 oz cab sav…… as from his non wine drinkers point of view it smelled better than the other one. Wine, Smell


So I ordered the two ounce (couldn’t quite read the price but the numbers appeared as single digits, so I was confident it would be fine)…… I then proceeded to order the bottle (knowing that the next night we would be inviting friends over from the Mainland to join us and we would share the remainder of the wine together with them) Eyes… Wine


We really enjoyed our meals and the sunset, and decided we were tired and asked for the bill. While waiting for it to come, I mentally calculated what it would be and I removed a couple of smaller splurges off my upcoming shopping list to pay for it…Wine


Then we got the bill…apparently the dark font of the ink from the bill wasn’t hard to read at all even though my eyes were still weak…. It was NUTS… apparently the two digits for the bottle of wine wasn’t accurate- I hadn’t see it… faded color of the ink… Eyes

The Wine… well it turned out that it was 3 digits!! Not two and I nearly fainted…. I saw myself fasting for the next week to make up for the bill I just had to pay!! Money

Walking back to the hotel I discussed with Jim that I had a plan to make up for the cost of the wine, with ideas of fasting and not spending anything on things I didn’t need… it got cold..and the wind…. …. Jim suddenly needed to rush back to the hotel.. the bodily dinner removal process had speeded up for him… and he was cold….and he rushed.. his legs are long and tall and can move much faster than mine… I saw the parliament buildings all lit up come into view and I needed to stop to take a picture

That only made Jim want to hurry me up more… so in my very solid flat boots, carrying a very expensive bottle of wine, I carefully rushed towards him to get back to our room with him … 150 feet from our room…I was barely 2 feet from Jim when the … WIND -a HUGE gust of wind- rushed around me and felt it move me.. it also moved Jim… in the dark with his beautiful foot right in front of mine… it was an accident…. Neither of us saw it coming.. but his 10 inch foot was planted firmly in front of my 6 inch foot and without warning… SLAM!! I WAS DOWN… face down…. My knee hit the ground before impacting my face….. neither of us could have prevented it…. It was just one of those things… and what did I have in my left hand that I had carefully…. Oh so carefully carried?? ….. precious cargo… WINE….. yup.. slammed to the ground along with me…. I heard it smash… I felt the moist wetness on my face.. but it wasn’t the wine I was feeling.. the gash on my nose was pouring out blood… along with my beautiful gorgeous red VERY EXPENSIVE wine…. Jim deeply concerned, grabbed me and walked quickly with me back to the room. I thought I had broken my nose and my first aid training came in quickly… so I started to tell Jim what to do.. he got me ice, and bandages while I proceeded to create a Steristrip to close the bleeding gash on my nose – really should have had 2 stitches… but I am a first aid person and I managed to stop the bleeding, clean the wound, close it and proceed to treat my throbbing knee that had two large scrapes on it.. thank goodness I was wearing  my good quality pants that prevented further damage…….

I am healing…. My nose has improved, my knees have improved……… but my wine has gone forever… I would have rather have given blood… ALL THAT RED is wine!!!……

The End….

The Perfect Northwest Self Care Retreat…. Semiahmoo Resort and Spa

I work hard.. too hard sometimes… so do you…

Life, in this day and age with all of our conveniences, seems to add to the workload rather than ease it…. so.. here’s how I relax.. and you can too!

For the past 22+ years, this has been my home away from home. Just a hop, skip and jump from South Surrey BC- this haven has seen me through some amazing, and painful and productive, and healing times.

Contact Micah the reservations manager if you want to stay in “my room”. Feel free to mention me and they will treat you like gold… in fact even without mentioning my name, Micah, Evan, General Manager Nicole and all the staff from housekeeping, to engineering, to the front counter, the spa staff and the wait staff are the best people and care so much for your stay-they will treat you like a king or queen!

Contact: Semiahmoo Resort
9565 Semiahmoo Parkway
Blaine, Washington 98230
Phone: 360.318.2000
Fax: 360.318.2087
Reservations: 855.917.3767

THIS IS HOW I DO IT!  This weekend, the first weekend after the start of fall,  I needed a  break… alone…. complete with candles, bath treats, natural skin and hair washing products from SweetLeiLani and Sugar and Spice Natural products (click on the name to go to their sites and order their amazing products).

I brought my diffuser (which I ordered from Amazon after having seen it at the Spa here at Semiahmoo- , with Saje Relaxing Oils  and proceeded to enjoy my weekend… I am still here.. 3 glorious nights of bliss and calm and self reflection… take a look below…


Honey wax candles, lavendar epsom salt bath, natural products for scrubbing and skin care…


Hydration at its best… smart water…. haven’t tested my IQ after, but I am pretty certain I am smarter now! 


Diffuser and essential oils… Saje Relaxing Oils    Bose sound to play my favorite, Lauren Daigle Music 

Bubbles and more bubbles……


My walk out to the ocean, wood burning fire place room…..


Honey wax candle light and wood burning fire… are you kidding me???


The gorgeous fall sunset!  Solitude with nature and it’s creator…. 


Plug ins for electronics… and the diffuser…. beside the bed to aid in sleep and relaxation…


90 minute spa treatment.. yes!  RMT receipts allow me to get an entire refund from my insurance provider.. did I say “free” 90 min massage??? 


Mentally ready for the spa……<3


The gorgeous contrast of fall colors leading to the entrance of the resort..where valets and accommodating staff wait to meet your every need…. 


Love the greenery surrounding the spacious property…..


I am so much at home, I am wearing slippers down the hall where I just heated up my left overs in the complementary microwave…


Captured the ray of sun, shining down at the back yard of the property beside the ocean and well kept gardens…


and… if you want to play… a sandbox… kids might be welcome too… 🙂 

Fire pit and smores….Yum! 

Rocking chairs to watch the children play, the ocean waves roll and the stunning sunsets….

For rainy days, a games  room filled with lots of choices and windows to view the ocean while the family plays.. this is a year round resort for family, business or solos like mine… 🙂 

Fire places galore!!

This greets you as part of the majestic lobby ….. can you say “west coast”? 


This welcoming lobby comes with welcoming staff……


Need a glass of wine for the sunset… they have everything you need in the gift shop beside the front desk…..


Oh ya… it’s not halloween yet, but the face mask serves in the bath as a refreshing treat…. this is exactly why you do this alone.. no point in scaring off your partner!


My feet are happy……


Come and join me and many, many others in experiencing the best,  most soothing place in the world….. all year round the family can enjoy the abundance of activities offered by the resort, fires at the beach complete with smores, paddle boards, bikes,  indoor, outdoor swimming pool, basketball and tennis courts…….. wine…. fires everywhere… home away from home…..and… did I mention the indoor theatre!!! Yup!!!

What are you waiting for??   COME ON HOME……

Semiahmoo Resort Golf Spa   Photo credit: 



An Interview with William Paul Young- The Shack-


Faith- In 2007, when I had been asked to help with a TV production in Canada, one of the guests, former Captain of the Canucks, Ryan Walter handed me a book and said, “You need to read this”.   I did. It was,  “The Shack”. It made a difference in my life. It confirmed my “knowing” that what I had experienced as a young girl in my new faith was real and authentic inspite the amount of “religion” that I sadly fell into.

THE SHACK- THE BOOK – My intention isn’t to challenge anyones theology, but rather to emphasize that we all share in a desire to connect, to love in every way possible and I really think we all want the same thing.  I highly recommend the book- Warning -it will dig you deeply in a good way.   And if you don’t want to read it or watch the movie, because you hate religion- take comfort- God hates religion too – instead- Just call it LOVE <3


The Shack- The Movie- Starring Academy Award Winner, Octavia Spencer the movie…. will grip you…. -here’s the trailer: –

The movie will touch your heart in a way you can’t explain.  Its a tool for thought provoking, healing – Click here to see a taste……>>>>>>>>>





Join Paul and Candace -here >>>>>>>>



Skincare!! Local and Amazing!

I had the recent, pleasant experience of running into an old friend at a local Christmas Market here in Vancouver, BC Canada!

It was wonderful to see her and learn about how her family was doing!  She had a booth at the Christmas Market in Vancouver selling her own locally made, Skin Care products!!

I bought some for myself and my daughter in law and granddaughter! Of course, I tried them myself!! And I love it!  Here is her website!!

Here is a video of me and the all natural, locally harvested organic clay with pumpkin and other healthy products!

Putting it on!

Thanks Tanja!!!

Taking it off!!






DIVA’S THAT CARE! Take a listen!


I am grateful for those moments when we take a chance to “connect”  with women who are doing incredible things that help to change not only their worlds, but others too!

A few months ago I spontaneously decided to join the amazing  Jo Dibble and the Frock Off Group-  at a  weekend away in Portland, Oregon.  It was there that I met more inspiring women! Not only did these women overcome some unbelievable obstacles during their lifetime, they have taken their lives back and are incredible gifts to all of us!  Each of these women have their own unique story, or are part of creating platforms for others to benefit from. Learning about how they are dancing forward in grace and dignity and building successful networks and business’s to make their mark in the world was a real honour!

CANDACE GISH  One lovely woman I met, is Candace Gish-  click here to learn about “Candace Gish”....Not only was there a connection because of our matching names * “spelled correctly in my opinion”  but she is kind and gracious and successful and creating her own unique pathways!  *(regarding our names, if you don’t believe me, ancient text in the bible identifies the “Queen of Ethiopia” – her name was “Candace”!)  Acts 8:27-There he met an Ethiopian eunuch, a court official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who was in charge of all her treasury. ”  Queen Candace was a successful leader!  Coincidence?? I think not!!!

For those of us who step out and try and make a difference with our life experiences, obstacles and challenges I PROMISE you.. we have more in common than what drives us apart!  We are ALL insecure, scared and in need of internal adjustments! However, we certainly can embrace our imperfections with humour and compassion, while lovingly asking more from ourselves!!

Personal growth is imperative to OUR own success! Living our lives in the “light” (transparent exposure)  can be scary when we can see everything that we like and don’t like about ourselves and others. However, success isn’t about getting it all together and being perfect- it’s about embracing our true self (the good, the bad and the ugly) and finding comfort in that balance of being human. WHEW!  The pressure is off ! If I have a safe place to land (hint: I AM that safe place to land) when I make mistakes then that is how we learn to love others, while learning to love ourselves!

Candace reached out to me and invited me to participate in her Divas that Care Podcast! So for those that want to hear the two Candace’s chat (well mostly me cause I am a talker… necessary for filling in dead air space in radio lol)… Check it out here! CANDACENEWTONCHAPUT-THE MISSING PIECE

Diva’s that Care is creating a platform  of amazing women, with amazing stories, resources and expertise to share!  Not only do they have a podcast, but so much more! You can purchase their book on Amazon!

Click here!

Thank you Candace for the opportunity to share some of my journey! To Learn more about Candace Gish and what she offers go to: DIVASTHATCARE.COM

“Fear nothing but to betray yourself, for if you lose your Best Friend (you) who will watch over you?” Candace Newton Chaput- Unlocking Secrets for Women Resources Inc. (Click here to learn more about coaching and resources)

#powerfulwomen #divasthatcare #candacegrish #unlockingsecretsforwomen #missingpiece #love #compassion #official #imnotoprah #joy #freedom #onlywomensnetwork #living #life #innerpeace #celebrity #humbleheart #care #diva #passion #growth #change #truth #courage




Our “Home away from Home”….

I have traveled many places; stayed in 6 star hotels while filming our TV shows, and have experienced the best of the best hospitality from San Diego to Whistler BC, to New York and South Africa.

However, close to home I have found my treasure!

I promise you there is nothing more relaxing that this incredible, “one of a kind jewel” here in the Pacific Northwest near the Canadian and US borders.

Set on an carefully preserved piece of peninsula that serves as a bird sanctuary and protected space for the natural habitats of North West creatures, this is a sanctuary that must be experienced to be believed.

Viewing the stunning seaviews and wildlife

Views of White Rock, Canada, Mount Baker, Washington, coupled with playful seals and majestic eagles; for over 25 years myself, my children, my spouse, clients, casual and close friends have been introduced by yours truly, to this stunning property.




Greeted by a newly updated true west coast style decor including,  wooden floors and beams, wood burning fireplaces (in the rooms and throughout the property and restaurants), games rooms, ocean view rooms, comfy beds for you and your pets….. second to none,  you will experience this amazing retreat.  

From the relaxing indoor and outdoor pools, hot tub, indoor outdoor  tennis and basketball courts, indoor and outdoor recreational facilities, heavenly spa, including seasonal family activities – like Christmas tree lighting and a private movie theater,  all that plus, golfers for you- a golfers paradise course!

The Ultimate in Self Care at Semiahmoo Resort Ocean View Rooms

Get your SPA on!

This is the perfect setting for groups, families and conferences looking for outstanding warmth from staff that care about your needs.


On site is an amazing relaxing spa with full services for whatever your needs might be. As Canadians with health benefits, we are able to claim our full spa treatments through our blue cross provider and recieve full compensaton as the massage therapists are licenced.

Packers Kitchen + Bar -are both surrounded by gorgeous ocean views, excellent wait staff (Mary is our favorite- ask for her and tell her we sent you) and fantastic local food!

Yummy local ingredients cooked to perfection!



Fit for a King, delicious steak dinner!




From our “HOME away from HOME” to yours!!

From summer time outdoor BBQ’s, summer sunset smores around ocean fires, sand boxes for children, pet friendly rooms,  summer water rentals including kayaks and stand up paddle boards, rental bikes,  a convenience store for forgotten needed items, purchasable wine and treats for toasting around the fire, wonderful family winter fun and Christmas celebrations…. I cannot describe the total experience of what we now fondly call our “home away from home”.

Click here to  Book yourself your Semiahmoo Retreat! You WON’T have a care in the world! Or Call and ask for Micah!! Tell him we sent you!

Candace and Jim Chaput  <3


PROBLEMS…. “we’ve all got them”…

“Problems & Troubles”

We all have them and unfortunately, NO ONE is immune …

My all time favorite teacher, Jesus said,  “ guaranteed 100% in this world, you WILL have troubles (my paraphrase) but fear not I have overcome the world” -meaning He lived His life with HUGE problems… and He lived as an example to us in such a way to show us how to get through them, (key word THROUGH)… including being hated and persecuted….



Really, when you think about it, the only way to not have troubles is to be dead!   

Frankly speaking, I am NOT a big fan of problems…… who is?







However, since I have had MANY and waaaay too many to mention here I have learned a few things about  “getting through” and hopefully have gained some insight valuable enough to pass on to you- if it helps….








So in giving you some help, let’s begin with some basic truths.

Basic truths are things that are true for everyone, and don’t change.. kind of like the sun setting in the West and rising in the East… its always true and doesn’t change no matter what part of the world you are in.

  1. Problems ARE normal! -when we think we shouldn’t have any we set ourselves up for disappointment.
  2. NONE of us are perfect ! NO ONE! Everyone hurts someone sometimes and makes stupid choices that hurt others.  We ALL have and we all do -sometimes intentional, sometimes not, BUT we ALL do hurt others.
  3. We ALL cope differently based on our maturity at the time, and available resources. All of us cope with our pain differently using some form of anger and fear related behaviors: addictions , backing away, closing down, being aggressive, being passive, gossiping, bullying, pushing too hard forward, tears, swearing, yelling, hating, lashing out, revenge, dividing, on and on – you get it.

Here is a general small list of problems/troubles we can expect if we are alive:

  • Any problem forced on us by the choices of others enforcing their free will: * this can be either bad or good decisions that force us to change something big or small in our lives and acts kind of like a domino effect e.g: had an agreement or feelings in a relationship that changed etc
  • Any problem forced on us by circumstances out of our control:
    * landlord decided to sell the home you love and have been renting,
    * horrible weather conditions  *someone drinking and driving hurts you or ones you love or worse- kills *people you love holding grudges and refusing to allow you to be a part of their lives * those who can’t forgive  *medical systems that inflicted fatal or devastating results * healthy people suddenly becoming critically ill
  • Anything we do to ourselves: * Failure to do our due diligence (we all make this mistake)  *Ignoring red flags (we hope something is better than what our gut is telling us (wishful thinking)  * Willfully choosing to do something we know will not end well
  • Or just living in the same world with other broken people

However… (this is the HOPEFUL PART)…..

We are TOTALLY 10,000% in control of OUR reactions to these problems (I know- easier said than done ) AND if we know that we still have control over our own selves, then we have an opportunity to take the “ bad” and make it mean something amazing or even better in our own lives.

There are some big keys in helping oneself during difficult times and the following are a  small but powerful list of some things we can to do help ourselves even when we feel helpless.

  1. First and foremost come to terms with the truth that YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS. Powerlessness is learned helplessness and involves how you think in your thoughts, or belief systems. (For sure there are some really, really serious situations that some people have been in where physically they are powerless however, -I am not talking about this here)
  2. Own YOUR THOUGHTS and what comes OUT Of YOU...… again my favorite teacher Jesus, “it’s not what goes into a man that ruins him (actions of others), it’s what comes out of him  (in reaction to what others have done) that ruins him.”   In taking ownership for who is going to help you and what comes OUT of YOU – it’s so powerful when you see it’s YOU- It starts with YOU. Others can help you in some way but NO ONE can climb in your head or heart and control your thinking or feelings without your permission. Yup it’s hard to not want revenge, and it’s hard to hurt so badly you want to fight back… but it’s in seeing and managing the ONLY thing you can, YOU that you become calm and can start to think about the best solutions. Start by helping yourself choose to see things differently. Let’s just assume that you don’t know everything and that there is more information you need because what you have been thinking hasn’t created any healing or resolve.  That’s YOUR job to find out what you don’t know and then begin a real assessment at 360 degree perspective… (this is called higher intelligence )….Other peoples perspectives whether you like it or not are part of that “WHOLE” Picture.  Stay humble and ask for the other pieces from others… don’t be afraid of the truth, even if it means you might have to admit you might have been wrong.
  3. Have COMPASSION for YOUR HURTING heart and HELP yourself… Failure to hear your own pain and acknowledgement of it leads to self pity and that won’t help!  Self pity is powerlessness.  COMPASSION for self is empowering and comforting. Hear your hurt, cry those tears, acknowledge the pain, disappointment, anger, and if you have to cry through the process then so be it- but LOVE yourself. This is incredibly important.
    “Fear nothing but to betray yourself, for if you lose your best friend, who will watch over you”. Candace 2002 –  As an adult educator I taught my students the following question to ask when feeling needy or hurting:  “who is the first person to help in times of trouble?”- humorously- using the example of  asking : “who knows when you have the feeling you need to pee”?  You get the point. The person who feels it first is the one responsible to help support you in the problem. Hear yourself and honor your pain.  By doing this, you can have a sense of knowing that YOU are able to be there for yourself when others can’t/won’t and when able, to share with them what your needs are, being that you are the only one who really knows.  Imagine you are on a hike and fell and no one was around to help… we find a way to help ourselves until help arrives.
  4. Find a good support system: life coach, church group, close friends, services offered by those who you feel can support and understand your situation (because you have been honest enough to share them) and with balance, ask for any help with any things that you are truly unable to do for yourself– this is important as you don’t want to perpetuate a feeling of powerlessness by having a,  “I am so weak” -mind-set… . you are STRONGER than you know and certainly more resourceful than you know….

Lastly.. I want to end with a little understanding of what problems and support systems look like when it gets BIG……

Consider a tree, a well-established tree.

This could represent your life, marriage, kids, job, health, where you live etc… you have worked hard over the years to establish your life. Building your life is the equivalent of a solid oak tree, big and tall and its roots firmly in the ground.


Life has “normal storms”, these can cause the tree to bend, maybe even lose a few leaves or even branches, but the roots remain firm in the ground (smaller troubles that you can get through with counseling, having a change of heart, getting better coping tools, forgiving, etc). These are part of the normal problems in life.





Then “IT” happens- THE BIG ONE… massive storms in the form of an emotional earthquake like:

  • Divorce
  • Death of anyone you love
  • Serious health diagnosis of you or a loved one
  • Physical earthquake or dangerous storm
  • Financial devastation
  • Finding out the person who you love, isn’t the person you thought they were….

It is in times like the above you might find yourself ripped from your ground and roots exposed and now find yourself, in shock and in a total different place than where you were planted…..

This is truly hard and devastating and I have walked closely with others who have experienced this and have experienced this myself….

This is where “stakes” in the ground can help…. When you are in shock, and find you have been involuntarily moved by problems or devastating challenges, you will find your roots again… I promise…and when done well with dignity and emotional maturity and health,  it will become complete with love, grace, forgiveness and compassion for those you were once devastated by..

And you will find those who are “stakes” in the ground to help you  and to hold you up while you go through the shock of finding your established roots again. This will take time, but I promise you will can get through this with stakes…

Stakes don’t’ do the work for you, but they hold you up when you feel like you can’t and offer you the following:

Words of encouragement: Cards, notes, flowers

Practical help: cleaning, baking, laundry, driving to or attending appointments with you, babysitting, helping write a resume etc

Crying with you: on the phone or in person…

Offering you needed resources when required: referrals to counselors, doctor’s, financial information, legal support, community resources, life coach referrals etc..

Truly, we are all sharing the same planet. We all have the same basic human needs. We are all broken in some way (not perfect). We all want to feel valued – (even the “bad guys” are doing things to get their needs met- selfishly for sure) but we all have a basic instinct to survive a tough world….

We all have more in common than what tears us apart.

I hope these thoughts bring you hope…  .

If you want help to get through these things, I will be starting my coaching practice soon and would be happy to discuss options for your goals, challenges and associated coaching costs.

My specialty is in crisis control,  self esteem issues, relationship dignity and added specialties of resources and consulting in media, adult education and healthcare resources.

Email me at

And in the meantime, pick up this book found here:

by Dr. Steven Stosny, Soar Above!


Love Candace xxoo

“Disability is the inability to believe in possibility” – Candace 2012



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Jo Dibblee is determined to be the change she seeks by educating, empowering, and elevating women entrepreneurs via access, connection, clarity, collaboration, knowledge, resources and most importantly results.

She is a Social Entrepreneur who sees it as her responsibility to give back both locally and globally. The founder of Frock Off Inc., Jo is described as a tenacious and fearless philanthropist – a catalyst to change. She works with heart-centered women entrepreneurs who have a big message, product or service and are ready to amplify their results. Her signature events “Best Kept Secret to Success in Life, Love and Business” ensure outcome based results and success.

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