A bit of a long read and lessons learned.
“ Trust Your Gut”?
“ let not your good be spoken evil of..”
If your decisions have left collateral damage, you might want to consider this thoughtful posting.
This is my opinion and first hand experience watching the term “trusting your gut” be abused and misused and bringing hurt to others.
If something is “right“ and a good move, especially involving meaningful relationships, then it can pass the test of time and patience for all concerned- and there will be no need to “rush”.
Further, there will be full transparency, absolute integrity and “buy in” without manipulating for all concerned, at every step of the way.
Patiently willing to learn and understand the concerns of those who love and care for you while you wait for the witness of important pieces and people before “acting on things”, will assist you in purifying any intentions or possible future mishaps.
Think of it as a caution sign. ⚠️
Imagine if you were walking on a pathway you’ve never walked on before, you want take each step very carefully and ensure that everything is in agreement before you make the next step. This is important in unknown territory and especially when the collateral damage potential is high.
As with any “passion pursuits” the caution provides the much needed “ stop & pause” level of accountability that passion makes us blind to at the time of exciting opportunities.
“In the multitude of counsellors, there is safety”.
Consider: A full witness & agreement all around is prudent and if rejected, often exposes less than honourable motives.
Your “ gut “ will be just ONE of the “multiple moral & integral” factors that assist in indicating you’re moving the right way, and the sign will be you have kept valuable relationships in tact.
You could have the “right thing”, but get it the, “wrong way” and you are no longer operating in what is the highest outcome for everyone involved, including yourself.
I feel we should consider an added value to that statement “ trusting your gut”. That statement is not to be used in an isolated vacuum.
Using the term “trusting your gut“, has to be with a measured approach & protected by a strong commitment to ethical outcomes for all concerned.
The statement “trust your gut”, cannot stand on its own without accountability.
It must be an all around complete and transparent process ending in “win-win” .
To be willing to have your “ good” be thoroughly examined and put to the test of those you have trusted, is prudence and protection.
To reject that opportunity, exposes immaturity and self-centred needs that will show up over time. If it can’t pass the first test of prudence, it’s not going to pass any future test. Tests are an inevitable pressure on relationships to bring less than desirable qualities to the surface for healing or resolve.
To be willing to be thoroughly examined with every stone unturned, is the wise measure in any decision as they all have long term consequences. Depending on the level of impact on others, & the greater the impact, the longer time should be considered in the decision with its potential impact on those involved.
I have had to learn some tough lessons of late.
I have seen behaviours exposed that were disappointing, but I had to accept the lack of honour and integrity in some of the relationships I’ve been involved in in the past.
I’ve learned that there isn’t “loyalty” if you interfere with the goals of another.
The “loyalty” was directed at the desires and the outcomes, not in the integrity of the friendships. That was a big lesson to learn. I experienced in certain cases, that I was simply a pitstop for individuals to pursue relationships that I had worked hard in and or nurtured close to me, so the individuals could directly benefit. Then the relationships I had were ruined due to selfish pursuits.
Boundaries in Business AND in personal relationships: I had learned that boundaries in business were an absolute, and have further added to my learning that close friendships must also have strong boundaries that are adhered too. I have and am learning to be diligent in who has access to my friendships and why.
This was/ is hard to learn as I love to gather people together and really truly love to see others connect and grow.
I have now seen more than ever, to pay close attention to the possibility of less than honourable motives with those who have access to the connections I have had the honour to build. This ability I have been given has a very vulnerable side.
Hollywood is a tough town to find integrity:
I remember when working in the entertainment industry in 2008, we were filming a TV show I created that was filmed in Beverly Hills. Out of that initial work a secondary opportunity had opened and I carefully and strategically facilitated a meeting with high profile people and very well known networks. Initially I was included in the conversations and all seemed above board and transparent. I was copied on the emails. I wrongfully believed we all had the same shared values of transparency and integrity. Shortly thereafter a slight “ tone changed” and I then discovered that back door deals were made and I was left out of it.
Money-(the love of money=greed) can bring that out in people – but I’ve learned that so can loneliness and desperation.
As with all things that are not built on integrity, the project eventually failed as it couldn’t stand the test of the integrity.
Hollywood can be a dirty business and the entertainment industry is full of it. What you often don’t realize is this can also be exposed in close relationships and ones that you thought had a degree of trust.
But again, where there are human beings regardless of the context, humans don’t often choose to be the best version of themselves when they could. They often reach for the lowest and easiest common denominator.
This is exactly why good things are hard and have to pass the test of time.
I knew I had to be wiser in business and with my celebrity clients, but this has struck close to home several times now and I need to learn my lesson.
So this advice is for myself and if it benefits others as well, all the better.
Your “gut” might tell you all kinds of things that you believe are correct, but without the presence of a transparent process and ethical filter, for the greater good for everyone involved, you’re not trusting your gut, you’re just acting in selfishness with a personal agenda and it will fail.
I promise you.
Think twice about what it means to “trust your gut”. Allow the test of time and demonstrate your integrity. Don’t run from it, press into it. You will be better for it.
“ mans rejection is Gods protection “ 🙏❤️