Tag Archives: relationships

Are you willing?

Here’s to your full healing. Be courageous ! It’s time ❤️🙏 Would you be willing? 💕🙏

Healing broken relationships.

Right now we have time to process and learn emotional intelligence in a way we might never have had before.

For most of us having a broken relationship might mean we are having a difficult time knowing how to fix it, or find a way back, OR even worse, unwilling to find a way back.

We gamble living with regret when we had the power to do something about it. You owe it to yourself to do a deep dive, so you minimize the regret YOU will live with should the unthinkable happen. Until you choose to be courageous it’s going to keep being in your way and will impede you from fully moving forward.

Think about this. Your current relationships, no matter how good you think they are, are only as good as you are navigating them, emotionally speaking. Not dealing with the unfinished, demonstrates limits and a lack of willingness to grow through challenges with the unresolved party. This will stay in the back of your mind, whether you think so or not. If your current relationship should trigger you the way your unresolved one is doing, you will NOT have the skills to move through it as you have no knowledge of how to do so. You can’t take yourself past where you have drawn a line. Therefore, if anyone in your current life should trigger you the same way it’s “game over” so to speak. You will practise what you have learned or find yourself unable to resolve what you haven’t yet learned. Division and walls are NOT solutions, that is called “avoidance”.

The lack of resolution is like living with a broken leg that hasn’t healed. You refused the surgery because you were scared and the “temporary cast” isn’t doing its job. Of course it’s not good for your emotional, physical and mental health and certainly damaging to your current relationship.

You owe it to yourself to heal.

Like a broken arm or a broken leg that’s unhealed, a broken heart that is hurt because of a relationship and remains broken is unhealthy and will impair your ability to live your fullest life.

In fact, an unhealed heart can increase your anxiety, increase uncertainty, increase heartache and impair you emotionally, physically and spiritually in a way that nothing else can.

Think of it this way.

Adversity can come in relationships from the most benign challenges to the hardest. Kind of like lifting weights. If you continue with a commitment to deal with your problems, no matter how hard, it’s like lifting the small weight and continue to gradually add the ability to lift more as you encounter and resolve each trial. If you only manage the “small ones” and avoid the big ones, then you will be unable to “lift” when it’s needed. You don’t have the strength or experience of a resolved challenge to get you to the next one.

It’s unfinished business.

The truth is, the impact within you singularly, (that broken relationship) is impacting YOU internally. You are not being honest or realistic with yourself or others. It’s still broken inside of you and until you tackle it with courage and skill, you will remain unable think differently and resolve it. This “stuff” is coming from YOUR insides. I promise you, the underlying hurt invades every single way you approach people. It can’t be avoided, it spills out. You owe yourself more than this.❤️

We might be stuck, unable to see our way through and just afraid and unwilling to step into something that’s painful. But what happens if we would just be willing to consider another way? With courage, humility and a simple adjustment of thought, we can make all the difference to opening that door.

Practical help:

Here is an excellent podcast from two world renowned complex negotiators that understand the need for emotional intelligence in relationship and conflict resolution. It’s possible to grow and learn a better way. Take a listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNGSoMPfaGE&t=3s

A New Way to Think:

What happens if instead of believing the person that hurt you is bad, why not take a different approach? Develop compassionate curiosity learning emotional intelligence, which replaces revenge, walls or bitterness. Anyone can learn this and is a level of intelligence we can all achieve.

We all want the same thing: We all want to be loved and understood, so why don’t you shift your thoughts to a different view by considering, maybe the person, like you, isn’t all bad, is more than there mistakes and has good in them too?

What happens if you decide to see them as good and focus on that? What we focus on grows either good or bad. Are you the one who has made them so bad in your mind, that now you can’t reach out, or are too far gone?

It’s never too late. Love can heal anything, if you let it.

What story have you told yourself?

What if you become curious and vulnerable and soft hearted enough to want to know the others story, or perspective ALONG with yours?

Have you become the sole authority and knower of another persons heart? If you think so, that’s a pretty heavy place to have put yourself. Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling or imagining you know where they are coming from is too big of a burden and frankly, isn’t even realistic, or sustainable.

Our inability to see someone as a complete human (good and not so good) often blocks our ability to find our way through to reconciliation and healing.

More practical help:

Here is another learning that might help you. This FBI negotiator has determined to let you see into his heart on how we can learn from failure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtNRfRCLWAc

If you focused on the wrong that someone has done and you are stuck there, why don’t you do yourself a favour and look at them differently? Why not allow some other perspective into your story to create a more balanced and holistic thinking?

Without all perspectives, you are flying with one wing my friend, and you may not see that you are spinning around in the same circle that started when you decided to cut someone out of your life.

I promise its what “you” have done to “you” that is at stake here.

As far as the person you have shut out, they have gifts and strengths that God has placed within them that you are no longer benefiting from. That’s just sad.

It doesn’t mean that what happened to you or how you experienced things wasn’t real. It means it’s not the whole story and that’s why you’re stuck.

Open your heart.

Just as we want others to see past our human mistakes and see the good in us, consider they have good in them too and start there. 🙏

You owe yourself the opportunity to be completely whole, dealing with any unhealed areas inside of you. If you won’t do it for you, do it for those around you that you love. Because truthfully, no matter what you think, they are not able to experience all of you, because all of you isn’t fully open. 🙏💕

If you still struggle with “how they hurt you” and can’t find a way to forgive, here’s a little episode from the movie The Shack f(ilmed right here in British Columbia) that might just help. Here’s to your full healing ! 🙏💕hCandy$$isaverygoodperson##toknowabout$$v=5caGyE8BoXs