Mental health matters… Make sure you’re helping yourself.
There comes a time in your life when you simply choose emotional and mental wellness.
As my good friend Sammy Maloof says, “go where you’re celebrated, and not where you’re tolerated”.
ACCESS GATES THAT NEED BOUNDARIES:
I’ve come to learn recently that I have had “access gates” over the years that were left open due to my desire to have the love I didn’t have growing up. While my desire for a close family was very noble and beautiful, this left me without boundaries in important areas and gave access where it should have never been given. My deep hearts cry and desire for that love, has led most of my decisions & has left me wide open for repeated, painful, emotional, and mental impact.
Not having the awareness, and therefore not self-correcting with healthy boundaries, I became a target to be misunderstood and subsequently experienced devastating, mental and emotional hurt.
IT WAS and IS incredibly painful. This final round hurt so much that it knocked me back into the horrible feelings of shame, judgement and no worth as far back as I can remember. It prevented me from eating and even caused a weight loss due to the distress.
This is the last time I ever want to feel that kind of pain. However, pain is a warning system that something needs attention.
Painful interactions hold a purpose if we can see it and capture the wisdom and lessons that it brings.
This has been my lifelong learning journey and a truth I have held onto since running away at 12 years old and hanging around the streets of Vancouver. In running from circumstances that were difficult to bear, I also think I had run through my fair share of “troops of angels” (if you believe in angels) they were exhausting themselves keeping me alive and safe.
I don’t blame anyone for the circumstances that caused me to react resulting in choosing to run away. I just had a deep internal belief there was no one to take care of me, see me or help me. I was scared, lonely and lost, resulting in an incorrect belief, that I had to take care of myself.
A 12-year-old is not meant to raise themselves and I had no idea how to keep myself safe outside of learning to be super tough and at least protect myself from the obvious. In choosing to run away, I do believe it was my own sense of self, helping to preserve my personality and value and worth until I could figure out how to navigate this crazy world.
I could easily document a 1000-page book on all my own antics, experiences, both good and bad and those self-inflicted and by others. However, I am bound and determined to use them as my personal growth opportunities, even after all these years.
Just like we can’t eat an entire smorgasbord all at once, growth comes in layers and is gentle and designed to bring healing over time, and with patience.
Even at my age, I am still hit with pain that forces growth like nothing else can. My growth results are within my own hands. As an adult, it’s my job to assess my own mental and emotional well-being. This is important to remember as we grow and continue our work towards mental and emotional wellness.
There is NO shame in seeking help for yourself. When a surgeon needs a surgeon, they understand it’s ridiculous to operate on themselves. it’s just common sense, not shame.
As children we depend on healthy parents to help define our healthy response and approach to life.
I didn’t have that choice, but over the years, I have continued to face growth.
These are my lessons to learn, and I am grateful for the painful experiences that lead me to where I needed growth in this time in my life.
Although I can’t ensure I will be understood all the time, caring for myself in my own emotional well-being is my job and only my job.
I encourage you to look at the repeated painful events and see the pattern and get the help you need.
You need let pain help bring the pattern to light, then see the pattern, then break the pattern. Then you need to establish healthy, self-respect and boundaries for yourself.
Without these healthy boundaries for myself and ensuring the respect for these vulnerabilities, it can leave a wide-open door to access your heart to be hurt. I’m committed to ensuring the winter years of my life are filled with tender kindness and love and being viewed with pure eyes. And if others won’t view me with pure eyes, my job is to make sure I take care of me.
I now understand that the door of my heart doesn’t have a lock, but it does have a handle that can close and be opened when there is appropriate and respectful access.
Hold onto your mental health – you and your inner peace is what we have left at the end of the day. Our mental health matters.
#mentalhealth #love #kindness #wellness #healing #pain #joy #forgiveyourself