I am so sad to write this blog but it’s long overdue! I have received a private message on my FB the other day from a severely devastated father once again and enough is enough! This has gone too far, for too long!
I have a dear, dear friend who has recently lost full and complete access to his three beautiful girls due to another tragic plan of a sick and unhealthy “mother”. Over 50 members of this man’s community came to court to testify of what a loving and incredible father he was in his fight for equal access. She couldn’t win that way so she found another. Through false accusations, and convincing her daughters that “daddy is bad”, she has robbed a loving father of his daughters and falls into a long line of woman who has intentionally and purposefully broken the heart of another loving daddy.
Her more subtle attempts to keep herself surrounded by her emotionally dependent girls is at the root of her conduct. Sadly, we know that the courts are very ignorant to this sickness and something needs to change- and change now! It has become a world wide epidemic and their is a powerful team world wide growing all over the world who are working hard to stop this madness! The irony is that the team who is working hard to break this sick pattern are adult girls who have had their fathers stolen from them by their sick mommies! This movement is powerful and its world wide. see here: Erasing dad:
What does this mother look like?
This “mother” (I use the word loosely) is a desperately broken woman who has access to lots of money, has managed to manipulate a judge and court system and past friends of the couple (happens all too frequently) into believing this incredible loving father is guilty of her sick accusations which are designed to achieve her goal of being the only important one in her child’s life. These are words that she uses frequently, but what she doesn’t realize is that when she says them thinking she is noble, she is actually exposing her sick state of mind.
Divide and conquer is her trademark and she can still be heard in restaurants and when she has been drinking to put down the other partner and even go after his new wife- that’s how threatened she is. Healthy women DO NOT do that! They embrace the change and the new partners and welcome the child to have the best of all the love they can get from everyone! Not this woman.. she wants it all and she will do whatever she has to do to get everything and take everything from the other partner.
Who are these women? They are intentional, calculating and they frequently get their own way. However, their souls and the souls of their captured children are dragged into her lair of sickness and are being forced to bear her toxic poison. See the alienation description here:
She intended to divide the girls from their father in order to punish and control the other partner she once claimed to love! How dangerous is her “love”! She has sadly succeeded and at a very high cost, especially to her own children. Getting her own way is her goal. She is blind to see that she has set herself on a very destructive pathway. Yes, we all know too well that bad people can literally get away with murder! You can murder people in different ways and this has become a quality of today’s so called “modern entitled” woman.
What is the root cause? This is 100% caused by narcissist personality disorder. The courts and children in a divorce are frequently manipulated by these insidious personalities who do not look like the haggard, wicked witches you see depicted in movies. Often these women look charming , well groomed and quite fashion forward. They appear articulate and intelligent, charming all those that they meet. They are engaging and full of laughter and fun and tell their stories with believable innocence- but to the watchful and careful listener, they can see their cunning words, and their lies they tell themselves manifest their true intentions. They look very together at a glance on the outside but their trade mark and tell tale behavior is far too common and the courts are completely oblivious to it.
How to spot a narcissist: Firstly, this article will immediately anger them and terrify them all at the same time! Here is fantastic link to help understand the trademarks of a narcissist and how they can get help. Click here:
Narcissists are entitled..You can spot them a mile away as the word “Entitled” is a frequently visitor in their vocabulary. They believe that they shouldn’t have to suffer like others, and in fact are often the cause of emotional suffering in others without compassion for those they are victimizing. In fact they are completely unaware of how their decisions and choices impact others and they don’t’ want to know!
Whether they are financially abusing or emotionally keeping people tied to them, these are just some of their trade marks. They want to punish others by keeping them tied to them in sick ways. They are frequent takers and very, very entitled. They are also completely blind. Unable to access themselves accurately, they deny their power to hurt others.
In fact, a narcissist reading this article will be angry and even be angrier at the writer believing they are being targeted. Paranoia and misreading things is another trade mark. They hate transparency and openness and are certain they are being “spied” on, all the while spying on others. Another definitive quality is how they frequently live in a one up and one down position. They believe they are “up” (or superior) and those they are in disagreement with are “down” (or less than them and even resort to name calling). In marital relationships they believe that they should be put on pedestals and be treated better than how they treat their spouses. They will keep a spouse up fighting all night and then ensure they get their rest and sleep while their exhausted spouse goes to work trying to do the right thing. They project blame onto another and won’t share the blame in a broken relationship. They are always looking for the “ideal” partner and overburdening humans by requiring super human conduct, while they are unable to achieve that standard themselves.
Narcissists will work hard to “keep people on their side” especially in a divorce. It’s important for them to “gather” lots of cheer leaders around them to keep up their sickness. Thinking they have healthy relationships, they even relate inappropriately with their adult children’s partners attempting always to be “socially on par” with them and not having healthy separation from them. They think they are having “healthy interactions but don’t recognize their own inappropriate behavior. They interpret kindness for weakness and are suspicious of those they perceive are their enemies. They are covering up their deepest brokenness and denial of their very poor self esteem that is damaged and hidden from their pretentious lives.
Even their friends are victims! They surround themselves with people who wouldn’t “dare” tell them the truth knowing that they would be “cut off” fast! They are charming! They have a wide circle of friends who feed their egos, and call them their “best friends” but these friends are loyal because they are all in agreement with the hatred of the other party. Longing to cling to their unhealthy friend, they desparately hang on. and are equally “blind leading the blind” and are emotionally unwell. How does one go about seeing this? Healthy people know intelligently that there are TWO sides to every story. These unwell minds relish in the fact that former friends of the couple are now just friends with them and have worked to ensure the “former friends of the couple” reject the other partner! This is simple playground behavior and the “former friends” are just as foolish being caught up in the nonsense! Intelligent people know it’s is simply impossible for one person to have all the blame and the other partner be innocent in a two way relationship! These so called “friends” have both seen and heard how bad the other spouse is and not one of them has the courage to challenge her sick behavior or approach the other friends to learn the truth. In fact, that is frequently their common denominator- they don’t dare disagree with her!
Women, toxic women in a divorce are generally broken with narcissistic personality disorder. It takes courage to face the truth (which they will never invite) and they must want to get healthy and yet they rarely do. They use the courts to benefit themselves, claiming their need to be cared for, all the while damaging and punishing others for what they perceive are injustices done to them. Completely incapable of recognizing their own cruelty they keep people hostage to them for life financially and refused to stand on their own two feet.
Another trade mark of a narcissist is that if they have a counselor, it is generally to support their position and have a long ongoing relationship -often the same one for years! Sticking with the same counselor is safe so they don’t have to be exposed to the objectivity of another counselor. If they do go to another counselor and the counselor points out something they don’t like, they will react and fire that counselor. Always afraid of the truth they keep themselves limited to their own circles of reinforcement in their dysfunction. If a person is truly benefiting from a counselor, then the ” work” should have been completed in shorter range. A good counselor releases their patients quickly by being truthful and getting to the core of the issue quickly. Healthy counseling should be a very short term relationship to resolve a specific issue and then move on, getting healthier and healthier with each visit until the “treatment” is completed. It should definitely NOT being going on for years! Any counselor that keeps this going is self serving and makes their clients dependent. On a side note, if your counseling hasn’t led to asking for forgiveness, its a self serving money waste and you are just keeping your counselor with an income!
Killing fathers. The courts in this continent and sadly in other parts of the world are a part of killing the hearts of fathers, whether through literal suicide or completely broken hearts. My own mother hated my father, and I had to work hard to break away from her hurt in order to keep myself healthy. I was the only one of my younger siblings who stood by my father at his death bed and unlike my siblings, I do not have the angst and guilt they carry to this day. I do not say that to sound self righteous, but instead I was ensuring my own self care and keeping myself from getting caught up in the prejudice of another perspective so that I wouldn’t have regrets.
Mothers have powerful influence over their children! When mom is unwell, adult children need to reach out for true self care and that can even include making sure you don’t get caught up in the dysfunction of your mothers’ pain- if you don’t her pain will leave you in deep pain and regret for time you can never get back.
Deep down fear of their mom’s power to reject is underlying. These poor girls have no idea that their sick loyalty to their mom is a direct result of the fear they have of her- they frequently call her “their best friend” but the evidence isn’t balanced. If they called her their best friend and they also had a good relationship with their father, THAT would be healthy!
One of the trade mark measurements of parental alienation is an stronger attachment to one parent that the other.
Severe cases of a child’s irrational alienation from a parent differ from mild and moderate cases by the extent of the child’s rejection of a parent and the degree of negativity in the attitudes and behavior toward the rejected parent. Severely alienated children express extremely polarized views of their parents; they have little if anything positive to say about the rejected parent and often rewrite the history of their relationship to obscure positive elements. They seem content to avoid all contact with the parent, may reject an entire branch of their extended family, and often threaten to defy court orders for contacts with the rejected parent. Severe alienation includes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive dimensions. Severely alienated children treat the rejected parent with extreme hostility, disobedience, defiance, and withdrawal.
These victims of mom’s narcissism are unaware on a surface level of how capable she is of destructive and powerful behavior. However, on an unconscious level they somehow know if they disagree with her, or make an attempt to reach out to their alienated father, the alienating spouse would feel threatened and do anything they can to prevent it! Her ‘advice” would seem quite logical in her explanations of why they shouldn’t see him, keeping the circle of lies tightly closed . They would also experience her wrath, or at best guilt for making her upset! Did you know that a dysfunctional child will choose to alienate the parent they feel the safest with? They know that that parent will always be there for them so they feel safe in rejecting them!
When dad reaches out. Attempts by their dad are thwarted with what seems to be “healthy boundaries” but against “what”?? Logically, when challenged, they are truly uable to explain the punishment of the other parent, that “doesn’t fit” the crime! These manipulated children are unable to explain the reason why they aren’t in relationship with their dad – being desparate they reach the ultimate low of their intelligence by concluding- “it’s dad’s new wife!”. Hmmmm?? I wonder where that thinking came from? How scary it is to see and hear that this is the common explanation offered by many alienating parents, when their own new partner is included and welcomed?? Makes the intelligent cringe at the obvious manipulation. These are all carefully crafted disguises by desperate women to keep their sickness alive. If the kids dare to reach out to their dad, or connect with them, they will also experience the power of her rejection and wrath. How horrible for a mother to keep her children in emotional and mental unwellness, just to feed her own sick ego.
I am committed as a woman to continue to work extremely hard to support the financial and emotional independence of women- as an adult educator and independent woman, I am deeply offended by these “women” that are sadly more frequent than rare. It sickens and it disgusts me to the point that I have made sure that I will be part of a powerful documentary and team to expose these women and bring their sick behavior to an end.
Blinded by their own ambitions and emotional un-wellness, they are representing women in a way that needs to change! I am committed to being part of that change! If you are THAT woman, come clean and get well and we welcome you to join into the movement of loving your kids and bringing dignity to our gender!
Thanks for listening….dedicated to you CPM! ! Praying for your broken heart – one day you will see them again!